Click here to read: “Trial to open in notorious archdiocesan abuse case,” by Joseph A. Slobodzian, The Philadelphia Inquirer, September 2, 2012
Excerpt:
“Even among the horrors cataloged in the Philadelphia grand jury report on child sexual abuse by Roman Catholic priests, the story of “Billy Doe” stands out. He was the 10-year-old altar boy and fifth grader at St. Jerome’s parish in the Northeast allegedly serially molested and raped by two priests and a teacher who, prosecutors said, passed him from one abuser to the next.”
Thanks for the update, Susan. I think the link needs to be http://www.philly.com/philly/news/20120902_Trial_to_open_in_notorious_archdiocesan_abuse_case.html
From the 2011 Grand Jury report in its initial description of ‘Billy’s experience:
Twelve years ago, Billy was a 10-year-old altar boy in the fifth grade at St. Jerome School in Philadelphia. “Billy” is a pseudonym; he is still reluctant to name himself publicly, although he knows he will have to do so soon. While alone with him in the sacristy, Father Charles Engelhardt began to show Billy pornographic magazines. Eventually, the priest directed Billy to take off his clothes, and to put his penis in the priest’s mouth. Then the priest reversed positions, until he ejaculated on the boy.
After that, Billy was in effect passed around to Engelhardt’s colleagues. Father Edward Avery undressed with the boy, told him that God loved him, had him engage in oral intercourse, and ejaculated on him. Next was the turn of Bernard Shero, a teacher in the school. Shero offered Billy a ride home, but instead stopped at a park, told Billy they were “going to have some fun,” took off the boy’s clothes, orally and anally raped him, and then made him walk the rest of the way home.
I attended the trial of brennan and lynn, and I can not comprehend how a priest can cave in to the demands of an adolescent ? Also what man would sleep in the same bed with a child? Not even his own child? Oh and what is a pelvic bump ? That was the phrase coined by the defense attorney to describe the conduct of brennan. The VICTIM is creditable, as far as the upcoming trial, I hopefully will attend also and listen to the testimony of “Billy” who also testified at lynn and brennans trial. His testimony should be made to be heard by every PA politician , (and you most of all ‘chaput’) who by the way enjoy the company the the enablers as they can solicit votes obliquely though the ‘bully pulpit’ . Billy’s testimony will be compelling , grotesque, and sickening. The PA politicians who have been protecting these abusers and enablers need to eliminate the SOL” and open a window for EVERY VICTIM ( S) WHO HAVE HAD THEIR LIVES DESTROYED BY ANYONE NO MATTER WHO THEY ARE OR CLAIM TO REPRESENT !
I hate that “Billy” has to go through the experience of telling 2 more horrific stories of the abuse he endured. I pray that God will give him strength to do what he did at Lynn’s trial and that the jury will clearly see that these men need to be put away for as long as the law will allow. They are a danger to our society as are the many others who are still out there. “Billy’s” bravery is a gift to all of us.
Jackie i was thinking the same thing.Billy you are in my prayers.
If Billy comes here or anyone can get to him…what can we do for him during this time and through the trial? (and beyond)
Rich, I know you haven’t stood trial before, but if it were you…what would you need? Maybe we can do some of the things you suggest in honor of Billy.
Good questions sw
I think all of us want to show support for Billy on this site
I only got to the Lynn trial one day but I would have been there everyday if I didnt have young children
to care for but I am there in spirit. I think Jesus made in very clear in the Bible whos side he would sit on in this case
He had harsh words for those that lead his children away from God
He said it would be better for them that they drop to the bottom of the ocean with a heavy rock around their neck..
Looks like Avery is going to testify in this trial.
Are plea bargains in the offing?
Martin, I thought the same thing. The question being..for which side will he be testifying?
Kathy…wouldn’t it have to be for the Prosecution…he has already pled guilty to abuse, and is in jail.
I think that the prosecution wants Avery to testify as to his behaviour with Billy and his connection with Englhardt and Billy.
The 2011 Grand Jury on this issue:
‘Rev. Edward V. Avery learned that Father Engelhardt had abused Billy, and then did the same thing.
Father Engelhardt left Billy alone after his unsuccessful attempt to arrange a repeat “session,” but the boy’s ordeal was far from over. A few months after the encounter with Father Engelhardt, Billy was putting the bells away after choir practice when Father Edward Avery pulled him aside to say that he had heard about Father Engelhardt’s session with Billy, and that his sessions with the boy would soon begin. Billy pretended he did not know what Father Avery was talking about, but his stomach turned.
Soon after the warning, Billy served a Mass with Father Avery. When Mass was ended, Father Avery took the fifth-grader into the sacristy, turned on music, and ordered him to perform a “striptease” for him. Billy started to undress in a normal fashion, but Father Avery was not satisfied and directed him ‘….there’s more but it is so disgusting that I am skipping it.
Joan,it could be the exact opposite. He could testify that he never heard /had knowledge at the time that Billy was abused by Englegardt . This trial is about Englehardt abusing Billy,not Avery. He may not even be testifying at all, but I never assumed it would automatically be for the prosecution
Joan and Kathy: You two are better lawyers than some who have been appearing before Judge Sarmina.
You can see your hearts are in it and that you are not doing it for the money. If you did charge by the hour, you would both earn hundeds of thousands of dollars, given the several thousands of hours you have each put in on seeing that justice is done in Philly.
Thank you for this extraordinary and generous effort. You, Susan and many others at C4C are motivating lots of former and present Catholics to speak up.
It is only a matter of time before all of Bevil’s Devils will get their just rewards– a seat at the table with Msgr. Lynn.
It is clear that this is one of those ‘only time will tell’ scenarios….but soon we will have some answers.
Thanks to both Kathy and Jerry…and my sympathy is with Billy!
I share the thoughts that C4C folks have expressed on his behalf and think that is what makes C4C so special! People really care and want the very best for him.
Never considered that question, Kathy. Hmmm…
I had been thinking Avery might want to set things right and tesitfy in support of the prosecution. I am hopelessly optimistic about human beings and the prospect for conversion. A more crass possibility, he is out in two years and might need to start public rehabilitation of his reputation so that he can live without excessive community pressure.
We are with you in spirit Billy…
Judy Jones, SNAP “Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests’
I hope those here in Australia read this.
There were terrible cases such as this around the traps, but I doubt the whole truth will come out with the parliamentary inquiry, especially with the refusal to lift the blanket on those who signed confidentialities.
I still maintain they wouldn’t hold up in a court of law, due to further trauma going through processes, many on record.
What I want to see at Billy’s trial is a huge block of priests from the archdiocese of Philadelphia sitting with, mingling with, providing support to, and shepherding Billy, his family, his supporters, and other victims-spectators of clerical sexual abuse. I want to see Christ-figures in the courtroom behaving as Christ would. I want to see priests of integrity courageously ministering to the human pain. I want to see it throughout the duration of the trial.
The first thing a priest will ask himself is: “How would my presence in the courtroom be perceived by Chaput?
There will be no priests in the courtroom.
You got that right Kate!
Bravery is not a trait commonly found in the RC priesthood. “Go along to get along” is central to this profession, sad but true!
On the other hand, to be fair, bravery is rarely seen under any dictatorship (Church or State.) People like Fr. Tom Doyle are a rare breed. That’s why they’re called heroes. Throughout the ages the percentage or these individual remains constant.
The chasm between the support for Lynn and the support for a priest they can’t deny did something wrong to Billy, I believe, will be what keeps priests away. Many really believed Lynn was innocent. Avery, Engelhardt, and Brennan…one in jail, one awaiting trial for the same, and one with a hung jury. Where was the cheering section for Brennan? Nah, there won’t be priests in that courtroom. And if any of them do have any sense to support Billy, they wouldn’t be dressed as a priest.
The reality is the same for victims…crickets from anyone in the hierarchy. Ask Rich, he doesn’t have a lawyer involved and he’s just waiting on a polite response from a VICTIMS ADVOCATE! (Rich, even though it’s personal…it’s not personal for them. They don’t know how to respond to you. They are damned if they do and damned if they don’t…cowards.)
It’s why I asked about what Billy would want. Can you imagine what it would be for this young man to have a huge gathering of CATHOLICS sitting on his side of the courtroom? Is there anyone is Philly capable of organizing such a group?
Today’s AP article on the trial and what Billy faces:
http://www.seattlepi.com/news/article/Accuser-returns-for-another-Philly-priest-trial-3836146.php
The courtroom was packed the day that “Billy” and Bob testified against Avery. I think the reason for the half empty courtroom on other days was due to the length of the trial. Who can put aside 10 weeks to attend a trial? People came and went at different times as their schedules allowed. Still not an excuse given the large Catholic population of Philly. Billy seemed to have a lot of support with family/friends present for him. I think this trial will be more crowded given the estimated length of two weeks..a lot of media will be there.
I meant the day they testified against Lynn.
I believe this story regarding Billie s just horrible .The fact that Billie was ten years old in my mine makes the situation much worsein part due his innocence at the age of ten .It would be my hope that this situation could be resolved quickly .iIf the priests responsible for this are still active in Miinistry this complicates the situation in my mind.It appears that this type of Abuse happened all the time .I don’t understand how the Diocese of Philadephia could let this situation go to open Court Room After all the negative things that came out in thevMsgr Lynn trial this is much worse because it brings The Sexual Abuse of Children .There is No defense for this situation .I would be interested to know who is representing the Defense in this situation.?I I fail to understand what the thinking is on part of the Diocese .
Regarding support for Billie in the court room if anybody expects support for him to come from clergythey can forget thereon noin way there will be a group of Priests df priests with Roman Collars in attendance on Tuesday .Hopefully Billiie will have his supporters there and for those who can’t be present we can and should Pray especially on Tuesday For Billie
http://www.catholicculture.org/news/headlines/index.cfm?storyid=15427
EWTN, should have seen this coming, and canned him long ago.
(I just had a conversation with an elderly relative who told me about this. She’s devastated that this priest is gone from the network…She agreed with him that ” kids flirt with priests and therefore “these things happen”…. and she remembers the girls flirting with the priests…..
Unfortunately, one can never really sufficiently take a sweet old lady to task for her views about sex abuse, without looking and sounding horrible. (lol).. I mostly listened. I was polite. Nothing I said convinced her –or even sunk in. It was all about this poor priest and the loss of his freaky show.
..I now have a headache.)
Crystal: I cannot for the life of me excuse anyone from blaming victims for what happened to them. I realize that senility brings on the loss of mental faculties. But if someone is saying that in their seventies or eighties, more than likely that has been a long held belief. It is that kind of thinking that has kept the Catholic Church in the sex abuse business, for years. The poor priest was enticed by the child. Balderdash!!!!
Jim, Did you read this EWTN priest’s comments about Sandusky?
I agree about long held beliefs vs senility –but in this case the “child abuse supporter” is not senile…nor is she unintelligent. She’s enraptured by a priest and his mystical-sounding ideas. They take her out of boring reality and into a utopia. She’s so dependent on his (mis)guidance, that she will compromise her judgement and her responsibility to protect and defend innocent children, in order to go along with his program. You’re so right, this is everyday “clericalism”, and it has steered the RCC hopelessly off course.
Crystal; Your reasoning makes sense to me. My own mother was exactly as you describe this lady. After I recovered my abuse memories, I went to talk to my mother about what had happened to me as a twelve year old altar boy. She was initially filled with remorse. But after talking it over with her parish pastor, she questioned whether I was making it up to get back at the Church. Jeez, I wonder who put those ideas in her head.
.
Crystal,
I think everyone over the age of 65 desparately needs to be re-educated in this area and especially the bishops since most are over 65. They need to be reminded this went on when they were young it just was not talked about and if talked about miniumized or if they were a victim somehow their fault. Take along your BS spray and sooner or later they will agree with you its a matter of breaking thru the denial.
It’s sad but i have heard from a few older women if they were molested especially as a teen it must have been how they dressed or something…..so sad……
Beth, so true about re-educating them (–and also about the BS spray!)
Jim tucker, I’m so sorry about your mom. I suppose she found it too unbearable to know that a representative of her beloved church hurt her child … So she went and found someone to convince her otherwise…someone who was part of the whole conspiracy.
Let’s face it, women in those days, lied to themselves about reality more readily than today. It was how they coped. They didn’t have the rights (which translate to power) that they do now. They weren’t empowered to find constructive solutions to difficult human issues – so they often ignored or denied them.
I still see reminders of this in older catholics when they discuss the RCC scandal. There’s no problem ignoring the facts, altering reality, even villanizing the victim of a sex crime in order to make a horrible reality easier to bear.–They do whatever it takes intellectually, to exonerate the RCC —which they believe is their only life line to heaven. I guess they figure that someday when they’re safely in heaven, they’ll straighten it all out… They’ll settle up with the ugly truths they left unvalidated, and the victims of these truths they left behind… hurting.
Crystal,
That crazy EWTN priest made the mistake of saying in public, in print, what some priests say behind closed doors. Apologists are saying he is senile and expressing outrage about his comments. If this is senility, the problem is not what he said. It is that he forgot he is not supposed to say this kind of thing in public
“A memo recording an interview of Fr. Shea by Secretary for Clergy Lynn and his assistant,
Fr. Michael McCulken. Fr. Shea admits abusing at least two boys. Monsignor Lynn
suggests the priest may have been “seduced into it” by an altar-boy victim. GJ-476
http://www.bishop-accountability.org/reports/2005_09_21_Philly_GrandJury/Philly_D_27_SHEA_1994_10_27_McCulken_Lynn.pdf
Crystal: I would think that this mindset is what has delayed the people in the pews from becoming up in arms. All of us who were brought up in the Catholic faith and especially those of us who went to Catholic schools learned to be obedient. We all saw what happened to kids who didn’t understand the importance of obedience. My mother, like most of our parents never questioned anything put forth by the Church. I think one of the reasons , the abuse has continued unabated was because our parents simply were incapable of questioning authority. Many of us who lived through the sixties became quite adept at this. I believe that this was a positive step. Can you imagine the horrors mankind could have avoided if the German people had questioned Hitler and his [policies?
I get so angry when I hear the details of what happened to Billy. It brings back all the memories for me. Being in a Church sacristy. In my case, I was accused of stealing altar wine and needed to be punished. But what happened to me was so much less horrible than what happened to Billy. I don’t for a minute belittle my own experiences, but when I hear or read what happened to Billy or Rich, or the many others who were violently abused by these men, I get so angry. And then the defense lawyers will use the effects of the abuse [ the drug addiction, the petty theft, the psychological effects] to question the truthfulness of those who were abused. That makes me even more angry. I know that the PA legislature recently passed a bill allowing experts on childhood abuse to testify. Is that going to be in effect for this trial?
Good point Jim..I will try to find out.
Billy, you can count me in as one of your supporters. I cannot attend the trial but I will be with you in spirit. Keep healthy, strong, courageous and hopeful that the ‘Truth is out now and will set us free.’ I believe the victims.
Billy, I will be thinking of you and you will be helping all of the abused victims with your testimony.This is just the beginning..I believe the victims/survivors…Peace
As reported today on BishopAccountability, a senior diocesean official in an Australian diocese has for the first time been arrested for failing to report a pedophile priest. The ripples from Msgr. Lynn’s conviction are spreading worldwide.
Let Philly’s bishops beware. There is no place to hide. The courage of Billy and others are reaping results both here and abroad. We are all in the debt of Billy and other courageous survivors who are prepared to run the Philly AD’s gauntlet to get some minimum justice. Neither Chaput’s high priced lawyers nor slick PR hacks can close the floodgates of truth that Lynn’s trial has opened. Amen!
Jerry,
I read your NCR comment, MARTINI SPOKE SCRIPTURALLY, and I agree with every word of it. In Martini’s interview prior to his death on Aug. 31, he blasts the Vatican for being 200 years behind the times. In reality, the hierarchy is dishing out a rendition of faith and Church that is irrational, irrelevant, criminal, and corrupt. Particularly disturbing is the number of “yes” men in the hierarchy and among the laity who are ready and willing to inflict this brand of Catholicism upon humanity (Dolan, Chaput, Donahue, et al). Nothing short of evil. Just a mind boggling predicament resulting from power and authority gone awry… a religious tragedy of cataclysmic proportions.
Why can’t the Archdiocese of Philadelphia have an archbishop with the moral courage of Archbishop Desmond Tutu?
Once at Emory University in Atlanta, I listened to former president Jimmy Carter and Archbishop Desmond Tutu speak about the primacy of individual conscience vs. authority. The subject of their speeches is one of the reasons why Chaput and other clerics, vowed to the institutional, authority model of morality, fail to exhibit independent moral courage. Another reason is because the professional advancement and success of Catholic clerics altogether depends on following, supporting and promulgating the institutional, authority model of morality. The cult called the priesthood is constructed in such a way that it effectively suffocates and arrests individual, moral courage.
Reform the priesthood.
Thank You Kate for this comment: “The cult called the priesthood is constructed in such a way that it effectively suffocates and arrests individual, moral courage.”
I have lived though this abusive-experience while I was being groomed by a lay-order, that was being mentored by its clergy. I was naive enough to think that I could help resolve a conflict-situation by offering viable options such as transparency, accountability and forgiveness etc. , while they wanted me to follow the ‘ authority model of morality.’ The good that came out of this lived-experience was that the ‘Truth set me Free’ and I was able to separate the Institution from the Spirituality. I was able to salvage my sanity (mind); my conscience (will); my human-spirit (courage, hope etc) and my soul. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I believe the victims.
Does anyone know if Ralph Cipriano will be covering the trial that Billy will be testifying at, and whether he’ll be reporting on it on his blog? Thank you.
http://www.philly.com/philly/news/breaking/20120904_Latest_priest_sex_abuse_trial_put_on_hold.html
Ed, if this report is correct and Judge Sarmina is withdrawing from the new trial, I think once again the Philly criminal justice system smells badly.
How much time off does one defense lawyer need to mourn an uncle and sister in law?
Sarmina has built up an expertise on this important case and should see this through. She reportedly worked as a government lawyer for Ed Rendell (he is now with Chaput’s key Philly law firm) in the Philly criminal justice system when Bevilaqua and Lynn, et al., were running full blast the pedophile priest paradise right under prosecutors’ noses.
Sarmina’s withdrawal now just reinforces the doubts I still have about her inexplicably easy and quick approval of Avery’s sweet plea deal and her sketchy performance at Lynn’s trial. Avery got less prison time for his admitted sexual assault on Billy than Chaput’s bookkeeper got for stealing some funds. Where is the justice in that?
What the hell is going on in the Philly criminal justice system?
Jerry, my father worked with Clark/Dilworth to reform politics in the 50’s and later they had to reform again in the 60’s. I can still remember the 62 election – one of the dirtiest in Philly. Philly will never be clean and finally Seth has started to clean up what the church hasn’t done. Still, the block of RCC votes are a concern for anyone that wishes to be re-elected. Hopefully enough philadelphians write to the DA and promise their vote if he continues to do what is right.
Also, we need to monitor judges for the same reason.
V4J has some very strong statements about a religious congregation that people had such high regard. An Oblate education molded Catholic men in NE philly. But the link below shows a dark connection between V4J’s abuser and the Oblates. McDeviit and other religious were abusing the boy parents sent to get that strong moral fiber. My father knew Mc Devitt in politics
I am almost positive the Oblate that affected my family the most was arrested, yet no record. Imagine belonging to an organization and fear they may be abusing a family member? He(family member) claims he wasn’t abused, but wouldn’t tell me what happened, V4J is so on target about the manipulation. I talk to many of my family members about alcohol and the threats is they were sexually abused. I also had it out with one Oblate when he called the house. My parents knew why I left Catholic school after 9th grade, but I never knew it was this bad.
My school is also mentioned in this link.
http://snapsurvivorsnetwork.yuku.com/topic/2330/PENNSYLVANIA?page=1
Only because Frank Rizzo died did Fast Eddie get his power. Remember being introduce to Tate selling chances(later Mayor Tate). The problem is the parties love loyalty – sound familar. Politics affects judges and apointments, again many are qualified, but still they are elected (need support at the ballot box) or appointed (need connections)
I wonder how I can get a hold of that Owen guy. I came across this website, which is SNAPs old forum, about a year after I came forward about my own abuse. I did Google McDevitt before I went to the DA but I kept coming up with another McDevitt from Australia. I guess either there wasn’t enough info about McDevitt before I came forward, or I was looking in the wrong places of SNAPs forum. Their old forum had a ton of info on it and I don’t believe the program had a “search” caopability, although I’m not sure. But for whatever reason I couldn’t find more on McDevitt before I came forward, I glad to know there’s incriminating info about him before I came forward.
I though I was the only one.
Rich, don’t know who Owen or the other posters are, maybe SNAP knows. Tom Hagan is mentioned, but Dave Hagan is related to the house where brothers accused him of abuse. Tom Hagan is in Haiti now.
Have problems getting pre 1987 articles on these guys activities. Since I belong to that group I have knowledge of their assignments which makes is easier to search, but I don’t list them(data bases) on an open forum. One website closed that we were using to track an abuser – person crossed the line and the website had to be closed – again someone who was curious while some were trying to inform the public. It is important to expose the predators, but I know of victims well under the age of 7 and exposing the predator in the wrong way could seriously affect the victim.
Loved it today – another question about my C4C shirt – person tried to ignore the RCC statement and other examples of sexual abuse – this is north of Harrisburg and middle of Penn State country. So many stare at that symbol – in this area and with what happened at Penn State, they should know what it means(teal ribbons)
http://www.bishop-accountability.org/news3/2005_09_30_Miller_PriestConvicted_Robert_Hermley_1.htm
“Reinstated to ministry
The grand jury report also said Johns Hopkins University physicians examined Hermley and determined he did not need help. He was reinstated to ministry after his November 1982 guilty plea and one month later was assigned to a parish in Vienna, Va. Oblates spokeswoman Beth Trapani said he was assigned to a nursing home and the Oblates have not received any further allegations against him.
The grand jury report said the Archdiocese of Philadelphia was notified in May 1987 of a mother’s claim that Hermley sexually abused her son in the early 1980s when the boy was 10 or 11 years old. The Oblates investigated the allegation themselves, the report said. At the time, Hermley was working in Seaside Heights, N.J.”
Remembered I asked why this guy was in ministry in 79. This guy was at Judge and remembered his name mentioned by my friends in the 60’s This guy was found guilty – 1982 – was assigned to Padua in the 70’s- all girls to keep him away from the boys yet went to Bucks county. Also assigned to Seaside Heights – vacation area. Remember convicted priest – probation.
McDevitt was at North(Philly) in 1980, then McDevitt(Harrisburg) in 1981. Incident at the camp happened in 1981, lot of movement after it was reported. Still pray for that brave soul who taught for the AD, yet reported the abuse. He did right for that boy. Another lost vocation and probably teacher – wasn’t teaching for the AD, at least the school he was teaching when he reported the abuse, when I was tried to contact him.
I sincerely hope there will be justice for all the “Billy Doe’s” out there.
I have carefully followed these trials from the outset and the twists and turns along the way have never ceased to amaze me … the plea-deals; the gag-orders; the delay-tactics; the teams of lawyers and specialists; the horrendous crimes; the long-held secrets; the conspiracies; the big bucks spent; the display of power/politics/P.R.; the ones that got away etc. Without intending to appear insensitive to the victims, I feel I have been watching a ‘Live, Suspense/Action-Filled, Court-Room Drama’, complete with real-life heroes and villains. I hope Billy and the other victims see justice.
I agree Speaking up. If we were watching some corrupt corporation or some criminal operation spending many millions of dollars in court on its defense, feigning innocence, faking ignorance, playing dirty, then it would all be understandable and expected….But no…It’s the CATHOLIC CHURCH in those courtrooms, lying and spinning the truth, discrediting helpless victims, making deals!!–The high and mighty, holier than thou, Bride of Christ ! It’s so disgraceful, it’s surreal. Justice is so long overdue here –so painfully slow to happen.
Crystal, the moral compromises being made by the hierarchy are just incomprehensible. The dogmatic rigidity and the self-righteous fanaticism, so ingrained, are effectively executing the Bride of Christ. It really is “surreal” in the sense that the Church’s “leadership” is leading to a slow-motion, implosion of the Church.
Speaking-Up, I once attended an LC conference in Baltimore. At the end, many young RC women stood in a very weird cult like display, all silent, all dressed alike, fanning out over a large area. It really seemed like a blatant display of cultish power over these sadly manipulated women. Perhaps you know something about that.
Mark, I do not know anything about the above-mentioned group of young RC women. The lay-orders that I know off do not dress-alike, so I would assume that the women you saw belonged to some new religious-order. The older, established-orders usually have elderly-members and a few young ones. Sometimes they bring the younger members together to give the appearance that the community is growing. Some lay-order communities wear a symbolic outer-garment such as a specific scapula or cross, indicative of their membership. There are also some new lay-order catholic communities, of mixed gender, whose members live in close proximity of each other, on the same property. I do not know their names. The diocesan pastoral center maintains a list of all orders and would probably be able to identify the distinctive feature or apparel of each religious or lay-order. Their charism and spirituality differ but they all operate under the authority-model of morality, where the superiors represent God Himself, right from the local, immediate superior up to the superior-general in Rome and upwards to the pope. Rome controls clergy and religious alike through vows and promises of obedience within rigid organizational and structural chains of command. In effect, all roads lead to Rome, as it did during the time of Jesus. Sorry Mark, for my lengthy answer to your very short question.
Yes Crystal, justice is long overdue and I hope it happens in our life-time. Bloodshed, turmoil and corruption has always been part of this church’s history but after the dust has settled, it has always been business as usual. So I’ll hold my breath till I see real change within the RCC, whether it is by its reformation or its demise.
It is interesting to see how the authority-model of morality is now being shared with certain-members of the laity, right down to their foot-soldiers who will now police the rest of us, under the supervision of the clergy, of course! So, even though we, the laity, are now ‘The Church’, nothing has really changed in the hierarchical-structure, except that the pyramid has grown taller. Furthermore, are we being asked to share in the ‘Sins of the Fathers’ during the ‘Apology Masses’, because we are now ‘the Church.’ Most catholics were trained to remain spiritually-immature though the doctrine of ‘pray/pay/obey’; to salivate at the ‘bells and whistles’ as in Pavlov’s experiments; and to be kept in the dark at the goings-on of the church. The whistle-blowers were silenced through money, power, and politics. Why, only last year a Catholic Pastor told us not to read the encyclicals, scholarly works etc, as these would only confuse us. Instead, he wanted us to pray, pay, obey, attend retreats\work-shops, support church-activities, follow the Church-doctrine etc. His simple-minded, spiritually-illiterate flock needed to be hand-fed and not use their executive and cognitive mental abilities such as critical-thinking, reasoning, judgment etc. Without these, how can we ever act on our free will, conscience and discernment etc?
However, the times are changing. We can now hold ourselves up to a higher level of morality and values than that of the present-day institutional-church. The irony of the situation is that we were taught those values under a clerical structure and we are now the ones ‘holding the torch’ and are willing to pass it on. We do not need to believe that all members of the clergy possess spiritual insights, unless, of course, they are persons of such standing. So, once again, the truth has found a way to be heard and has set us free.
This is totally off topic, but NETWORK was critiqued by the Vatican …as an authority issue, these are the social justice nuns, lobbying for the poor on Capitol hill….
When the Dolan benediction issue emerged, the Dems were wise enough to get Dolan to give their benediction as well, BUT they invited Sister Simone Campbell (Nuns on the Bus) to speak in prime time, wednesday pm about the needs of the poor and the Ryan budget…..she is currently scheduled to speak Wednesday pm at 8:41 pm ET ….
“See that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that their angels in heaven always look upon the face of my heavenly Father”——Jesus Matt. 18 verse 10
A worthless bishop receives special treatment. I hope Billy receives special treatment!
“Mo. bishop convicted for failing to report priest
By BILL DRAPER, Associated Press – 19 minutes ago”
“KANSAS CITY, Mo. (AP) — A judge has found a Missouri bishop guilty of one misdemeanor count for failing to report suspected child abuse by a priest, and acquitted him on a second count.
Robert Finn is the nation’s highest-ranking Catholic official charged with shielding an abusive priest. He received two years of probation, but that sentence was suspended.
The charges stem from the child pornography case of Rev. Shawn Ratigan, in which Finn and other church officials knew about photos on the priest’s computer but didn’t turn him in for six months.
Ratigan pleaded guilty in August to child porn charges.
Finn has argued he was not the diocese’s mandated reporter under state law, saying that responsibility rested with the diocese’s Vicar General.”
(Copyright © 2012 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.)
http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5j_VoudZBlWVg9vyTk0-S3WcRUpHg?docId=b15b3e318fe942bcbe159c61684bb0f3
I reported in another post that the Finn hearing and decision was occurring tomorrow, Friday. Sorry for the misinformation. I was reading a day old article.
Victims of priestly sexual abuse, victim advocates, child protection advocates, and Church reformers just suffered a major loss.
There is no justice.
Misdemeanor count…a suspended probation sentence.
At least he was found guilty of something, I suppose.
Anything happening with the vicar general?
The VG was never charged with anything. The prosecution dropped the charge against the diocese based on Finn’s conviction.
The max Finn was facing was one hear in jail and $1000 fine on each count. Not a whole lot.
The one problem is that the charge only is a misdemeanor for failure to report..In Pa. it is a misdemeanor 3rd degree..not many people going to jail for that.
For argument, let’s accept the fact that failure to report is appropriately classified as a misdemeanor.
Even so, if Finn was a school principal playing out a scenario similar to the one he played out as Bishop, wouldn’t he have been fired?
Perplexing.
I recall that Marci Hamilton has argued that failure to report abuse should be a much more criminal act with very tough penalties…and you would get a lot more ‘timely reporting’….something PA lawmakers should address with vigor.
Finn did admit he was a mandated reporter.
Joan,
Did the AP get it wrong?
“Finn has argued he was not the diocese’s mandated reporter under state law, saying that responsibility rested with the diocese’s Vicar General.”
(Copyright © 2012 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.)
No the AP didn’t get it wrong. Finn had argued that he was not a mandatory reporter.
I can’t tell from the news that he admitted he was a mandatory reporter before the verdict was handed down. His remarks before sentencing suggest that he accepted the fact that he was.
Here’s a twitter feed that has some tidbits that aren’t in the news.
Finn has to attend mandatory reporter training from state.
Finn has to institute training program for clergy with FBI cyber crimes task force.
Finn has to establish $10,000 fund for victim counseling
Finn has to issue instruction to all agents of diocese to report suspected child abuse.
http://fox4kc.com/2012/09/06/follow-the-bishop-finn-diocese-trial/
NCR article is a lot jucier than the AP articles.
http://ncronline.org/news/accountability/judge-rule-kansas-city-bishop-diocese-separately
Today’s Kansas City Star…on Finn admission as a mandatory reporter:
Those facts included an acknowledgement from Finn that he is a mandated child abuse reporter under Missouri law. The stipulation also contained a long recitation of the now-familiar facts of the case with a few new insights.
A question….does anyone know why Engelhardt was removed from ministry in 2009 and lives under his order’s supervision?
From today’s PI article on the rescheduling of the trial:
‘Engelhardt, 65, remains a priest but was removed from his previous assignment in 2009. He now lives in a house under supervision of his independent religious order, the Oblates of St. Francis de Sales.’
Joan,
http://www.delcotimes.com/articles/2011/02/24/news/doc4d65d66270b86211403289.txt?viewmode=fullstory
I belong to a club. It’s a special club. You don’t have to pay money or fill out an application. The club has many, many members. We can be found in any country in the world and membership can also be comepletely anonymous. It’s not my club, or your club, or anybody’s club. I don’t think anyone actually knows who started the club and who its president might be. The best part about this club is that I can finally realize that I am far from alone in my problems, and that is also the worst part of the club. We have too many members and unfortunately we are constantly growing in our numbers.
The club that I belong to alienates no particular ethnicity, religious status, mariatal status, color, or sexual preference. The club doesn’t care if you come from a wealthy family or from a single mother who struggled raising four children by herself. We’re not always easy to spot and you might have to ask around a bit before you find us. I must warn you that some of the questions I would expect to be asked are difficult questions and have even more difficult answers. If you can stomach the gist of what I cannot, but you can admit that you were coerced and forced into performing terrible acts upon an adult while you were just a child, you are welcome in our group. You are now a member. You’ll come to find out that you are far from alone, and the statistics are staggering. I was horrified when I first found out just how alone I wasn’t. I was grateful for the support and comfort I recieved after a lifelong enternal battle of fear and despair.
The first time I had any contact with the special club was just a few years back, when I sat in a room of mostly men. I studied how each man sat in his chair, the drawings from school children on the walls, and I can still remember that musky odor from being in a basement, where our meetings of this special club took place. I wanted to make sure I sat up straight, even though I felt myself hunched over. I felt my hands and knees shaking and I hoped no one else in the club noticed. Nobody said anything anyway. Then one member started talking about being abused as a little boy by an adult clergyman, and I felt my world reverse to the year 1990, when I was that boy and I was also being abused by a clergyman. I don’t think I listened to any of the other club members speak at that meeting. I was in a world of my own, because I have been in rooms with many men in the past, but never had I been in a room with men talking about their childhoods and the adults who took their souls.
I thought the club was for me and I kept attending these monthly club meetings, sometimes seeing the same faces, and other times seeing new faces. One-by-one, I listened to every member’s story and I felt it remarkable how similar their clergymen treated them, much in the same way my clergyman treated me. I thought I was the only one who was protected from the school’s bullies, or got to go outside during lunchtime, or was given special gifts. I thought I was damn special. Now I come to find out there’s so many more club members who were just as or more special than me. I actually felt betrayed.
I thought, “at least the activities my clergyman did with me were not nearly as painful as the acts other cub members were submitted to. Heck, I only had to deal with a finger. These boys had to deal with serious rape.” I counted myself as the lucky one, but still I found grief in the way my clergyman treated me as he was so harsh and seemed to hurt me whenever I tried to pull away. The other club members were given fabulous gifts to not say a word and to keep coming back. My clergyman hurt me where boys don’t like to be hurt, but I kept going back and I don’t know why. He threatened me and I guess I believed him. Other club members were threatened by their clergymen also, so I guess that’s what keeps us going back for more punishment and more pain.
I argued that maybe this was my life. Maybe this is who I am supposed to be and clergymen can use me in ways that didn’t make me feel good. I was just the kid and he was the clergyman and the authoritative figure and I have no reason to argue wih him. He knows better than I do. It was enough for this clergyman to threaten that he would tell my parents, or that my uncle would be disappointed that I failed Religion class, or that all the boys in the school would know I’m gay. I guess a lot of things lead up to staying silent, because humiliation trumps everything else when you’re weak and you know that some secrets are better kept behind closed doors than in a cafeteria full of young immature teenage schoolboys. My clergyman knew I had a younger brother and in just a year my little brother would be attending the same high school. I showed him photographs of my younger brother and he said my brother was cute, but not as cute as me. I wanted him to just do whatever he wanted and to leave my little brother alone.
I listened to other club members when they talked about themselves and their brothers being abused by the same clergyman. It was obvious that all the brothers wanted to figure out some kind of way to help each other, but just like all the threats and the physical and sexual pain we had to deal with, none of them were smart enough to out-smart a clergyman. I guess the clergyman kept each boy on a tight leash like my clergyman did to me. I didn’t want to be in that room with all the other club members, because I felt such sorrow for what they had to endure. I was incapable of shedding another tear for myself or for another, but I was very capable of surrendering to one of my many fierce panic attacks. I wish I could’ve been an adult when they were boys, even though all are much older than me now as men, because I would’ve saved them.
I don’t like this club that I’m in, but what choice do I have? I wish someone could’ve saved me. I wish guardian angels existed and mine watched closely over me. I said my prayers before bedtime and I prayed that nothing would happen in the night and I could sleep sound all the way through until morning. I even dreamed of pancakes. I worried on the bus to school the next morning, and I tried walking as slow as I could, but the slower I wanted time to move, the faster it seemed to travel. It was inevitable. The clergyman got to do his thing on me everyday. I felt afraid, even when I may have had a moment to tell someone, but my clergyman was big and had huge hands, and I thought he could just crush me if I ever took what happened inside that classroom or the boys bathroom and told a police officer. I didn’t want my clergyman to kill me, but I laid awake in bed at night and hoped to die in my sleep. I hoped God would just take me. I didn’t believe anybody would’ve helped me anyway. It felt like a punishment just because I was born.
I never told much of my story to other club members. I have a trust issue with people, and I don’t want other members to push me down farther than I’ve already been down. One member and me became really close and now consider ourselves best friends and we talk about what the clergymen did to us. My clergyman called my abuse “JUG” meaning Justice Under God, while he was using his finger to rape me in the boys bathroom. I’d cry and snivel with my face pressed against the wall and my body against the urinal and I could hear him laughing and telling me, “This is your JUG boy.” I just didn’t know what I had done wrong. I tried walking on eggshells around him, and I thought I did everthing to him exactly the way he wanted me to and I surrendered my body to his every wants and needs. Why did I get a JUG? I guess, still, somehow, I didn’t do it right.
My best friend said his clergyman did much of the same to him. He threatened to tell someone too, but thought he was protecting his parents and other family member from dealing with what he had to. He was so scared that nobody would believe in him because his clergyman spent the night at their house, sometimes raping him in his own bed. His clergyman took him on vacations around the world and abused him on boats and in cabins. His clergyman was well-liked in the parish and everybody loved him. His clergyman has been derocked from the priesthood, or at least that’s what we think. The Church has lied to us before. I share his fear when he tells me some more of his story. His clergyman currently works as a real estate agent at Century 21. So many times, me and my friend can’t work because of the what they did to us and the state we’re in today. Smells like the clergyman got his freedom, and we’ve been sent to prison for life.
Another friend is in this club because his son was raped and murdered by clergymen. This member’s son’s death certificate might read “suicide” but it was really murder, because the abusive clergyman addicted the innocent boy to drugs, bought him drugs, tried buying his silence with lavish gifts and money, and the boy couldn’t live with himself regardless. He might have had a chance at life in other people’s eyes, but until you’ve seen with your own eyes what we have seen with ours, you’ll never be able to understand why breaking your silence helps, but it’s not enough to go on living another day. I never met this club member, but I’ve seen photographs of him and through many conversations with his father I believe I have come to know him. Maybe he’s in some good place now looking after some innocent children.
So it’s obvious nobody should want to be in this club and really nobody should ever be in this club. Clergymen have taken more from me and my friends than they’ve given in their lives to a parish and its’ community. Clergymen wrecked my life and didn’t even give me a chance to figure out who and what I wanted to be in this world. They just took away for themselves, like they had some given right to it. My clergyman didn’t ask and he didn’t beg. He was stronger and I was weak. He held me against a urinal and raped me. His thick sharp fingernail caused tearing inside of my rectum. He didn’t stop at the sight of blood. He never held back at all while I was in tears. I can still see myself whimpering and sniffing. He laughed when I fell to the floor in pain. It felt so real that I would suffocate when my clergyman made me perform oral sex on him as he grabbed my ears or the back of my head and pulled me into him as I gasped for air. Then when it was time for my clergyman to perform oral sex on me, he was rough and he didn’t care about causing pain in my private areas. I had just started puberty (late) and he said he liked that. I didn’t have much pubic hair yet, but he said that was a “bonus for a boy.” I didn’t know what he meant, but out of everything he did to my body, performing oral sex on me, I would guess, was his favorite. Before my clergyman finsihed, he always told me to wipe away the tears and kiss him on the cheek. I wanted to throw up.
My clergyman took away all of my dreams. My clergyman took away my ability to sit in a classroom and learn, so I never went to college. My clergyman taught me how to love, but then my partner of almost nine years taught me the right way to love. I don’t smile much because I have to many bad memories. I have little or no trust for most people and I’m afraid of the dark and moths. If I discover anyone has been lying to me ever, you are no longer my friend. In the last nine years, with my partner Chad, I have realized that all of my thought process was developed backwards. I want to be a better man.
I wish my special club had less members. I wish we weren’t in every city, of every state, of every country in the world. Our clergymen created an army of suffering. Our clergymen didn’t just rape us sexually, but they raped our minds and they shattered our souls. Our clergymen took it all away from us and now, in some way, somehow, we’re supposed to forget, forgive, and move on with our lives? What life? I will be here when the next clergyman’s victim needs to talk.
I recently celebrated my 36th birthday and I will break tradition and tell you my one candle wish; “No more victims.”
Rich,
I read every word. Your words are so powerful. I’d forgotten all about JUGs. Was it something specific to high schools run by orders?
I’m saddened and sickened and angry…and fighting for no more victims too.
Justice under God. Too bad the victims aren’t gettig it.
sorry it was detention – justice under God also used to isolate victims name was used at north catholic and judge. There were group detentions, but a few thought that certain kids needed private sessions.Had a discussion with a priest who called my house about the need to teach my brother discipline. Can’t describe how sick some members of that cogregation are
Rich, I did replace a teacher for a month at Judge after you left. Mc Devitt was gone by then. A few teachers did let me know how sick some of the kids were there. Expect that with a sick person like McDevitt teaching religion
Hopefully your painfully and graphic description demonstrates the need to understand what a pedophile is and how sick your abuser was. “Billy Doe” was only 10 and Avery abused him. How can any person not recognize how sick this is. Has the RCC recognize the need for self medication by these victims (D & A abuse). They will use that history to descredit, but probably not mention that “Billy” is a victim of Avery.at the age of 10.
My JUGs didn’t occur after school in detention for the most part. The majority of my abuse occurred in the middle of the day, during my lunch period when my class was in the cafeteria and Father McDevitt somehow lured me away and groomed me to attend his classroom instead of the cafeteria. I will admit that I would’ve preferred being anywhere in the world rather than that cafeteria, where the bullies could easily pick on the percieved fag or the boy with the bad hair cut.
McDevitt used to walk me down this long hallway where the soad machines were and get me a soda. He even had a key to open the machine so we didn’t have to pay for the soda. A theiving priest, can you believe such a thing? But he provided protection and I guess I also can admit that I felt proud that he pretended to be my friend. Now I know it was all just part of the grooming techniques he employeed to molest and rape me.
My JUGs was not the actual detention where students had to stay after school, even though I did have afterschool detention and was abused in that format as well, but he called it while he was raping me, “this is your JUG.” He’d say it a gazillion times or at least that’s how many times I heard it in my head.
Want to know what I actually thought was worse than afterschool detention and being isolated by McDevitt and raped by him? It’s that I would miss the 88 buses that would line up outside of Judge as school was ending for the day. I knew if I missed one of those buses, I had alot of walking to do and I wouldn’t get home until much later. I lived really far from Judge. Walking after a grown man had just done some certain things to your private areas created some painful issues. My parents thought it would be better to send their sons to a school in a nicer community than send us to the schools in our district, like Dougherty or North, because they were in bad neighborhoods. Being the nephew of the second most powerful Catholic in the world, with just one short phone call me and my brothers got to go to any school my parents chose.
I would’ve gladly chosen the bad neighborhood school.
Rich; I was happy and in a good place before I read your blog. Now i am crying, sniffling and tearing like you were in that high school lavatory. I will get over it. The graphic way you describe your abuse is extremely powerful. Every Catholic parent in every Catholic school in the world should read your message.Maybe if they did, they would protect their children better from evil men who wear cassocks and roman collars. I had forgot all about JUG until I read your blog and Eds followup. At McDevitt, we also had JUG. Being in the club was never one of my aspirations in life . I had hopes, dreams and aspirations. Many of these have gone unfullfilled as I struggled with addiction, depression and just living one more day. I don’t think anyone who has not been abused will ever completely understand what the abuse has taken from us.Those non victims who comment here come as close as anyone can. I want to tell you how much you have helped me since I have started contributing to this site. The strength of your voice is awe inspiring.
Do you live in or near Philly now, Jim?
Rich: I currently live in a place called Fayetteville Pennsylvania. It is about 15 to twenty miles west of Gettysburg. I have been living out here for the past twelve years. I transferred out here because of work. I finally have a job with minimal supervision[for some reason I have trouble with authority figures]. I have changed jobs so many times, I can’t count them all. I usually have a run in with a boss and self distruct in a rageful attack. I never realized until a few years ago that the anger was totally misdirected. The anger within from parental and clergy abuse I let loose against bosses. I learn more every day about the effects abuse has had on my life. I hope to move back to the Philly area within the next few years. Most of my brothers and sisters live around Philly. So do my children. I know you are a big Phillies fan, as I have been for years. I went through the collapse in 1964 to the more recent World Series championship. I sat in a bar in Glenside and drank beer with Johnny Callison, one of my heroes with the Phillies. Back in High School, I caddied for Robin Roberts. One day when Roberts was with Houston, they had an off day in Philly. Roberts and three of his teammates played at Huntingdon Valley, where I caddied. As I remember Rusty Staab and Joe Morgan were in the foursome. Enough of my B.S.Peace!
That’s cool, Jim. I know where Fayetteville, South Carolina is and I’ve been to Gettysburg, but how cool would it be to have a Gettysburg Address? 🙂 You could tell everybody you meet, “I’ve got a Gettsyburg Address.” 🙂
Yeah I too have had the “so many jobs I can’t even remember them all.” My preferred choice of profession was working behind bars but they never lasted very long since bar managers and bar owners prefer that the patrons drink more than their staff. 🙂
I have a ton of anger and rage, Jim. Just ask a Pain Management doctor who recently wanted to do a procedure on my back called a Medial Branch Block, where the doctor inserts needles and tubes into your back to warm (burn) the nerves so they stop sending pain signals to my brain.
I had a diagnostic procedure a few weeks ago that didn’t go so well. Basically I would be a candidate for the Medial Branch Block if I was able to get at least 2 hours complete pain relief from the diagnostic procedure. I got bout 20 minutes, and since I come off anesthetic much slower than most people, I’m not even sure if I got any relief at all from this initial procedure. Still the doctor decided to schedule me for the MBB the following week. I challenged him on his logic that if the procedure to determine whether or not I was a candidate proved I wasn’t a candidate at all, why do you still want to stick needles and tubes into my back? Is it because you perform more MBB’s in the area and they are considered high-priced procedures? I said, “Maybe I’ll just fly to China and check out some of their old natural pain remedies.”
He shouted, “You listen to me. I went to medical school. I was the medical student. I am the doctor and I specialize in Medial Branch Blocks. When other doctors need to learn this procedure, they come to me to teach them. And, if you go to China, when you get off the plane you’ll see me, because I teach them all there too!”
Somebody has just an itty bitty ego.
For some reason there’s just something about me that pisses people off. I’m not consciously an asshole, but maybe it’s because I’m not a pushover and I don’t trust just anyone, even if you do have a piece of paper I don’t. Just ask SNAP!
Instead of purposely directing my anger at people now, I direct it at the issues and use my energy to expose misleading, inaccurate, egotistical, institutional, public, legal, organizational, commented bullshit.
I have a story I’ll tell you sometime about Richie Ashburn and my favorite Phillies roster ever, the 1993 National League Champs.
Peace out!
Rich; I think maybe you are too honest. Honesty can get you in so much trouble. I know I never learned to be politically correct. I tell it like I see it. Most people don’t respond well ,but doctors and bishops are notorious for not appreciating honesty. Another sighting I had during my drinking days. I was at an after hours club in Flourtown Pa. In walked Steve Carlton and his designated catcher, Tim McCarver. Its funny how many of my stories have to do with drinking and bars. I miss part of all that. But at least now, I remember how I got home the night before.
Sometimes I wish I could just forget about all of it. It will be with me forever and I know that. I have come to terms with it and I don’t want to forget, because I’m afraid that if I do forget, you will too.
Most people on this site are not victims. You were lucky and I’m thankful others kept their innocence.
Don’t be sickened or angry about what happened to me. What’s done is done. Be sick and angry because it is completely preventable from occurring in the future if institutions and governments and common people are willing to stand together against it.
There’s no need to describe to me the evil that exists in this world or just how sick some people can be. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. I’ve felt it. I can still feel it. It wasn’t “detention,” because he certainly had my attention.
I don’t remember how old I was when my innocence was stolen from me. Seven I think, but some memories suggest younger than that.
I’m glad I can help some people with my words, but I truly wish you’d find your own and stand in the crowd with me and fight against anyone and any organization that is so willing to ignore what happened to us so they can save some money.
The past is destined to repeat itself. Just ask Billy and James.
I’m willing to do whatever I have to do to end it.
Some groups think I’m a lone wolf because I refuse to follow their long established beaten path. I don’t follow anyone’s path but my own. Everything inside me feels right when I’m writing my words or out exposing a predator in a community or church. There’s no wrong path if I can place myself between someone willing to destroy another child’s life. I would die for this cause, because long after I’m gone, there’s got to be some kind of future. I just don’t want future children to spend their entire childhoods suffering and I don’t want those children to become men and women who are lost. Nobody should live like this. I don’t want more people like me.
I don’t need your financial donations to use my voice and expose the truth. I just need you to believe that what I say has happened and will continue to happen if you don’t listen to men like myself or Jim Tucker.
Don’t believe that Catholic priests are the only types of people capable of this type of crime. Some of us were abused by Catholic priests, but by far, more are abused by their own parents. A father or a mother sexually abusing and raping their own child. Just reread that last sentence again, and again. Keep reading it and try to comprehend it and just imagine that sickness and that ultimate betrayal of trust. I’m someone who employed the technique of “trusting no one” from a very early age and I’ve been very committed to it. It’s unhealthy, but I’m accustomed to it because of the way I had grown up and it has just become routine. I wonder what it might be like to be able to give away my trust so easily, but too many people have taken my honor and I’ve learned how to cope with betrayal.
The non-victims are the people who need to fill our voids. It’s difficult for some of us to stand alone, always having been alone, and speak up when no one is listening. Sometimes we need you to speak for us until we can find our own voices. I need non-victims who are willing to confront the accused priest for me, because I instinctively cowar to his black suit and white color. Psychologically, my intended comments fade into the memories of a man raping me who was dressed exactly like that. A man’s clothing, his smell, the way he carries and conducts himself, certain words he might use, all could be triggers for me. I’m not perfect by any means and I surely don’t have everything figured out and sometimes I do fall. I just hope there happens to be some friends around willing to help me get back up.
I feel that little boy inside me and I feel his need to overpower the firm men who are hurting him. He wants revenge. He wanted to be a police officer when he grew up and I think I can remember him having some kind of fantasy that he would arrest these men with his partner, T.J. Hooker. But things change and people lose sight of their dreams or different dreams come to light. I don’t know who I was supposed to be, but I know that the evil men who corrupted my young life chose my profession for me: Child Protector and Evil Avenger. It might not pay the bills, but who needs money when you can thrive in vengence every day?!
I’m inspired by people who are willing to throw it all on the line for believing the truth and demanding it from those they choose to follow.
Rich Green
I believe the victims.