Wishing You Easter Peace April 20, 2014 ~ Susan Matthews Share this:FacebookEmailPrintTwitterLike this:Like Loading...
19 thoughts on “Wishing You Easter Peace”
Last night I was outside and I looked up at the sky and it was slightly red and I said to myself thank God Jesus came back from the dead………..Jesus will always be the Way, the Truth and the Light……..no matter what happens on this Earth……………Happy Easter and Peace everyone………..
Susan, thank you for your greeting. As a survivor, Easter no longer means much to me. I use to be so involved in all the celebrations, I was in the choir, taught in catholic school, was a lector, headed the hot lunch program in Catholic School with 32 people to support me, President of the parents-teachers club. All that was stripped from me when I could finally face myself and the priest abuse. Thank God, I refused to allow this institution to rape my faith in the Divine which I hold very close to me and only me. I believe that God’s message is to find Him within, without all the laws instituted by men. I am humbled by this gift that I have been given by God as I continue to walk into the darkness of my abuse, where light will overcome. Faith is personal to oneself. It is a private prayer. For me, it does not speak of celebrations, rituals or sermons, or even church, it is quiet, prayerful, conversation with just me and my God. Through my journey to wholeness, I have found, this peace.
Vicky that is truly beautiful what you describe…….in my own life…….when everything was stripped away, I was desperate and nothing was left for me but myself and God that’s when I finally found him in the silence of my own heart and he was there all the time………its kind of strange to explain but when I had nothing I found everything……….although I have not been thru what you have I can understand some of what you are saying………..truly a gift……..
What you are wrote is what I am saying “—- find Him from within —“ yet you were much simpler about saying it. You appear to be speaking real faith and an unshakable confidence. This faith is given and maybe you notice it cannot be harmed or lost now. Maybe you notice an inner freedom to respond spontaneously to life as events emerge. Has your faith grown to where life is opening to wonder and you feel simplicity itself?
Your peace is a statement of your faith and is the expression of his Risen Life in you. Your faith is very good and what a joy !
Thank you Syd. What my journey is teaching me is this: A walk in the dark leads me to Wisdom, delivers me from Fear and brings me closer to God. My concept of Soul: My soul is my living presence, which is my defination of God. Every time I pray in my silence I am reaching out, opening myself up. My journey continues to be painful, my illusions continue to fall, all I believed in, never existed. What I have found, however, is my truth! I have said this before and it is worth repeating. I, as a survivor of clergy sexual abuse, refuse to hand over my very soul. My soul was not murdered and that was my choice. Somewhere inside of me I found a piece of me that was worth saving. Courage comes forth in many different ways. To take a stand against evil is my defination of courage. I am blessed with a passion that has given me strength in times of pure helplessness and hopelessness. I have struggled to stand up when I have been dropped to my knees many, many times. I have struggled to tap into any sense of worth. I have wanted to just give up the pain was so intense and unrelenting in it’s agony. This is the darkness I speak of, that if you can struggle to rise and continue on to the next pit fall and keep rising, this is where you find your wisdom, your strength, your soul. Darkness isn’t always your enemy, it holds more lessons than light, it is sometimes in the bleakest void that God is the nearest.
Vicky, I appreciate how you are embracing all of your life, even the darkness and the void. My sense of your writing is all the growth and changes you have experienced and your soul is no different. You truly are reshaped and transformed, present and awake. I hope you know your spirit offers a deep trust with the Divine and is tremendous healing for humanity. Thank you for allowing the energies of life flow through you and accepting the conditions you are working with. Wow, your faith is the kingdom of God at hand and your faith as Divine Presence is deeply significant.
Vicky, what is unusual about you is that you faced the darkness and came to ground yourself but then, through your advocacy, you went looking for the darkness, forcing it to face you.
I was just thinking the same myself, not for myself but for those like you; there are just so many who would have those same feelings, how can there be any peace?
I quess we just have to have it from where we sit, knowing we have let our voice be heard however it comes through, knowing full well God knows the heart and hope others will take comfort in that.
Well said and very true! Where there is truth there is peace!
Typically Christians around the world celebrate Easter as the resurrection of Christ. A man who died on the cross for our sins.
And every year I have hope that maybe the Catholic Church would resurrect itself by doing what is right for clergy abuse victims. However, like this year and years past the church continues to lie dead.
Maybe next year.
“Easter says you can put truth in a grave, but it won’t stay there.” (Clarence W. Hall)
Katherine so true so true…..
Best wishes and many thanks for what you are doing.
Vicky your story is so much like mine.
My world revolved around the parish until I realized last year that it wasn’t the only one. Tried to go to church for Easter as wanted to see if I could compartmentalize the good and the pain, but the pain won. Still I search for the connection as I know in my heart that I am a child of a God of love. It is so hard because I live in a small town at everyone there are church people.
Thank you for sharing. I will copy your post as it really touched me and helped me analyze better where I am and where I hope to be
Suzpt, My heart embraces your conflict. What the Church doesn’t realize, is at one time we truly loved our Catholic Faith. It fed and nurished us on many levels. At first, it was very difficult for me to totally leave a faith I had grown to believe in and love. Slowly, reality set in. I was so angry that these priests who had raped me had taken from me the one thing I thought I could hang onto, hope! What most people don’t get about being abused by a Catholic Priest is that the sexual abuse isn’t just about the sexual satisfaction for the priest, but for the victim it hits on many, many levels that can eventually distroy a person’s sense of who they are, our trust has been so horribly shattered that it can be almost impossible to ever trust another human being again. As victims, most of us after the abuse withdraw inside and take it out on ourselves. What was paramount for me was finally realizing it was never my fault, ever, I never asked for this to happen to me and if there is anyone to put the responsibility on, it is the priest that did this to me and the Bishops that protected the priest. My therapy started to turn around when I could except this as truth and stop blaming myself. I was then able to get my power back and self-exteem and worth. For me Suzpt, looking to this Church for any kind of redemption is a waste of time. Nothing is going to change as long as the culture of the priesthood remains as it is and has been for centuries. It is no longer a Church it is an institution that main focus is it’s holdings and it’s power. This Pope is more interested in style than content, reformer, never going to happen. So I decided to find my peace inside and have my own relationship with God which is what I believe God wants from us anyway. All the rituals and dogmas and celebrations take our focus away from what the beauty truly is, our personal, quiet, prayful relationship with our God. I would hope for you to stop searching outside yourself but instead go within. My thoughts are with you, dear friend.
Thank you once again for your most thoughtful note Vicky!
I was a member of a secular order for 20 years. It broke my heart to leave my community.
It was a joy to bring communion to the home bound. A year ago I spoke yo the teens about vocations and my life as a wife, mother and member of a monastic order. Then my world fell apart when I found out there were many other girls he victimized
It seems like someone else’s life now I have gone to the PA chapel sat and wondered if it was all a dream. The Eucharist mean’t so much. I still love the people but it’s hard to socialize as my friends talk about things like the parish picnic. There is such a hole in my heart.
Thankfully therapy has helped. I feel strong for the first time in my life. I am determined to do whatever I can to protect children from a life like I have known. Next week I’m going to Harrisburg to support my counselor that is speaking to some representatives. I have found my voice. I am a survivor.
You spoke of being a mother and once member of a secular monastic order; I recently commented on the same where husbands should have sued the order for alienation of affection when their wives were over run under the guise of spirituality, with children being assimilated into the family fathered by at least one friar, another leaving the family home abandoning her spouse altogether hoping ther friar would shack up with her on retiring and another caught up with a travelling national spiritual director of the relevant secular order at each others beck and call……and that’s just a start.
Thank God for your reprieve……
This was the one I was trying to originally put here iit reminded me of something Vicky has said.about hearing God.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFr6dVTVN2w&feature=kp