Coach Charged as Archdiocesan High Schools Open


Breaking News – “High school coach charged with luring, corrupting kids,” by Regina Medina, Philadelphia Daily News, September 20, 2011


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67 Responses to “Coach Charged as Archdiocesan High Schools Open”

  1. Good for Captain Darby of the Special Victims Unit!
    Any witness to child abuse needs to file a report with police. It is as simple as that.

  2. At some point the AD will probably issue a statement saying that all of the coach’s background checks and clearances were in order. That is correct – which highlights a larger issue. Background checks are used in public, private, Archdiocesan schools, BoyScouts, recreational sports leagues – anything that involves children. But background checks only show if a person has a PREVIOUS criminal history – a background check is not a certificate saying that this person will not harm children. It is good that it keeps out those with prior criminal charges.The vast majority of adults who clear background checks, have not and will not harm children. But as a law enforcement officer told me ,parents are too trusting of background checks – it trusting a piece of paper when it involves a child’s safety. For example I have a spotless driving record but that doesn’t mean I have never blown a stop sign or driven over the speed limit. Background checks in the long run are good in keeping KNOWN criminals away from the children,it is the unknown that is the scary part.

    • Kathy, what do you want to bet they find child porno on his computer! We all know what his intent was. It all starts with drugs and getting the victim drunk. How very sad that children are at such risk in this society. How sick!You can’t trust your child with anyone anymore as even background checks can do so much.

    • Truly concerned parents should demand that every priest take a lie detector test to show their priests and teachers aren’t pedophiles. Lie detector tests aren’t 100% accurate, but he Catholic church isn’t 10% accurate.

      This is one of the cases where parents truly have a choice. You can choose to put your children in a Catholic church, which has been proven to have a much higher rate of pedophiles than any other institution. You can keep your children away from Catholic pedophile priests, who are still protected to day as you know in Philadelphia, and as you know in Kansas City, where Bishop Finn hid a known pedophile for a year.

      That could have been your child. God gave you the proof. If it happens to your child, don’t blame anyone else.

  3. And it continues, donna farrell should be placed on administrative leave along with the rest of the AD, how many more victims must there be for Harrisburg to get off their asses and address BILLS 832 & 878 ? Does one of their children or family members have to become a VICTIM for the legislators to ACT ? This is outrageous and disgraceful and for those of you that continue to fund the catholic church knowing what you know then shame on you ! I can’t wait to hear how chaput , his PR firm and attorneys will try and downplay this event !

  4. An employer should do everything possible to check out those who will be working with children. I would hope the parents will demand to know that this was the case. It may have been, but as parents we can’t trust this is always done on our behalf. We can educate ourselves, deal with it accordingly (as was in this case) and change our laws so they protect our kids to the highest possible extent. Please visit Justice4PAkids.com. An important event will be announced before the end of today.

  5. Wow, can’t wait to see what happens to THIS guy as opposed to the priests who did the very same thing. It will be interesting.

  6. How can parents possibly justify keeping their kids in Catholic schools or churches. Pedoaoaphiles are so well protectedi, even today, that they know it is worth taking a chance with
    your child.

    Why are YOU taking a chance with your child?

    • Patrick – Child sex abuse happens everyday – everywhere. No school,sports program or youth activity is immune. Child predators associate themselves where children will be present. A child predator is not going to hang out at a nursing home or a senior center. While the Catholic Church is the institution that has covered up abuse, which is another crime unto itself,we have to realize that something can happen to a child anywhere. I am a parent, I read it in the newspaper everyday. That is why Susan and I are working so hard on the Pa. House Bills – all children deserve to be protected.

      • I like Kathy Kane, but I hate this typical Catholic response, because its a lie.

        Child sex abuse happens much more (by percentage) in the Catholic church than in any other institution anywhere. The church’s voluntary John Jay report showed that 4% of priests are pedophiles, and those numbers were under-reported. For instance, the LA diocese refused to report, then paid “hush money” to 500 victims four years later.

        Also, the statistics included priests that had only been in the priesthood for a year or two or three, which made the total percentage appear lower. If they only included the priests that were there for the whole duration of the study, the number becomes a whopping 9.9%, as you can see from the explanation at http://bit.ly/n2SxQG

        No Catholic EVER has proof that “this happens everywhere” like it does in the Catholic church.

        Worse yet, the Catholic bishops and priests cover it up and lie about it, and their congregation backs them up. If pagans find a pedophile, they want to beat him in the town square. Catholics start lining up with stories about how nice their priest and coach was.

        They will soon have some clever explanation why a Catholic coach brought a 14 year old into a hotel room, got him drunk and drugged him. The 14 year old will be called a homosexual drunk and druggie by Bill Donahue, which Catholics will love.

        Now, time to reassign him to another Catholic school.

      • Gloves off Patrick. I will NEVER defend the Catholic Church. I will NEVER lie on behalf of the Catholic Church. My response is not the typical Catholic response. The difference with what happened in the catholic church is the cover up – I have yet to find any institution that covered up child sex abuse and the perpetrators like the Catholic church. In the work that we have been doing on behalf of justice4pakids, I have met victims whose abuse happened outside of the church. Children are abused every day by coaches,parents,teachers,neighbors etc…This is NOT a defense of the catholic church, this is STANDING UP for children. So when I meet a woman who was raped as a child at age 8 years old,am I supposed to tell her that I won’t help her because it didn’t happen within the Church? Do you realize the hush money you refer to in Los Angelos was the result of advocates working on behalf of having the laws changed. Do you know as a result of that, perpetrators both within and outside of the Catholic church were publicly named in civil suits? This helped keep ALL children in California safer,Catholic and non Catholic.
        I am furious and disgusted with the Church. But if I spend all my time just venting about that, what have I accomplished? Maybe just making myself feel better. When I leave this situation, I want to be able to say I made a difference. I want to be able to say that I STOOD UP for children. As a parent and a human being I feel physically sick when I read news accounts of children being abused. Any child, anywhere. I have about 3 hours of work to do this morning on behalf of the children of Pennsylvania. My anger at the Church drives my desire to help children,but it does not blind me to the pain of all abused children.

      • Victims4Justice.org Reply September 21, 2011 at 2:08 pm

        I would like to take your side on this, Patrick, but in good conscience I cannot. Sexual abuse of children IS NOT more prevalent in the Catholic Church. Children are much more susceptible of sexual abuse by their own biological father, then other members of their family. Clergy abuse accounts for a very small percentage of childhood sexual abuse. Having said that, the statistics within any organization are higher in the Catholic Church and are thought to be much higher than reported, because less than 15% of sexual abuse victims will ever come forward and talk about what happened.

        Every person, regardless of religion, if they research the known statistics, will find that child sexual abuse occurs in every area of public and private society, more so in their own homes and in their own beds. The only underlying issue I have ever had with the Catholic Church is that they knew about my abuser many years before he abused me. They transferred him and hid him, and denied that any allegations against him had existed. The cover-up is what makes me angry. Cover-ups happen all throughout the world when dealing with this subject, but I believe the Church has the best record of protecting abusers while allowing children to be harmed. I can’t stand for that.

      • Believe what you want, but here’s the truth – you can’t show another institution that has even close to a 4% rate of pedophiles, which, as I said, is actually almost a 10% rate because of the way they skewed the statistics to distort the truth.

        Remember also the John Jay report was was a completely voluntary report, and that some of the worst diocese (like LA) refused to report.

        Catholics always claim that every teachers group and scout group has the same percentages, but others aren’t even close. If you have proof, show it, and not from a Catholic site, from a news site.

        Normal schools have a case of 16 year old girl who is in love with her 23 year old teacher, but that doesn’t do the same psycological damage as when a 40 year old priest, who children consider “Christ on earth”, rapes a 12 year old boy.

        The Catholic church is much worse (and we agree on this) because:

        – they moved known pedophiles
        – they hid known pedophiles
        – they lied about it
        – they ignored the victims

        The Catholic church is trying to convinceda billion people that it happens just as much everywhere else, so that it’s not that big of a deal. They are lying.

      • V4J,

        Its really tough to stop child sex abuse inside families, because you can’t keep kids away from their families, and you don’t know who is likely to be an abuser.

        However, you can keep your kids away from Catholic priests, Catholic teachers, and Catholic schools, and you know they have a ridiculously high percentage of abusers.

      • Victims4Justice.org Reply September 21, 2011 at 7:06 pm

        Patrick, I am not disagreeing with you about the statistics on clergy abuse. All I am saying is that clergy abuse accounts for a small number of childhood sexual abuse victims.

        Oh and by the way, don’t tell me about psychological damage resulting from being abused by a much older man when you are a little kid. Respectfully, you are way out of line!

      • Rich. You are being so gracious. Patrick you are way out of line. You are going to start comparing abuse? That a 16 year old girl being abused is different from another child. You are so out of line. You think this teacher read the grand jury report and that is how he knew how to abuse a child? You think other pedophiles don’t use the same behaviors and techniques? Seriously? This is a joke right? This teacher worked in the community and schools for a number of years. So if this 13 year old new victim or any other that comes forward from a recreational baseball league or maybe was a neighbor of this coach – that child doesn’t deserve the same compassion and efforts that another child does? I met a woman who was abused by a priest when she was a teenager – she thought she was in love with him – good to hear that in Patrick O’Malley’s world that is a “different” kind of abuse.

      • Victims4Justice.org Reply September 21, 2011 at 7:46 pm

        What did you do with Patrick O’Malley? Release him! This is not the same man who normally blows my mind away with understand, support, and advocacy. Free Patrick O’Malley!

      • Kathy, Well said! I know where your heart is when it comes to helpless children who either have been abused or protected because of your work. I cannot speak for Patrick or Rich but as a survivor I need to know that all children of any religion or just because you are a child will in the future have laws that will help them get justice no matter how old they might be. I think sometimes we as survivors or at least me, pound on the church because when the priest abusers raped us over and over in my case for 28 years, the priest was a representative of God with that thought the sexual abuse was so much worse on so many levels, even as we called them father. It is very difficult sometimes for me to separate the holy catholic church from other institutions that also have had this problem because there are so many layers!Then on top of all this, they cover-up and protect the abuser! So once again, I ask people to be patient with us because under all this rage is a very deep layer by layer wound that will not ever be totally healed, simply because the church and its priests refuse to stand up and do the right thing by ALL children.

  7. These poor parents…….at least they were on the ball and were there to see their child come home. I wonder if he did this to other kids and the parents weren’t home or checking up on their kids……..it’s scary. It’s a parents worse nightmare……….cellphones give many parents a false sense of security sometimes. It’s horrible it happened but at least they were able to get him arrested.

    • This is totally an example of abuse of power. The boy probably looked up to this guy. I will keep the boy in my prayers.

    • “I wonder if he did this before?”

      The articles already said he did it to one kid. You and I both know he did it to others. Read between the lines – he only brought this kid home because he was scared that the kid was going to die.

      Parents – the “Philadelphia Grand Jury report” is the pedophile playbook. Pedophiles all study the techniques, and know exactly what to say and do.

      They know that Catholics will defend the pedophile, and they can prove that to the child. Its as easy as showing how Bill Donahue trashed a 16 year old victim this month, and how Archbishop Dolan published it on his blog.

      Parents – haven’t you figured this out yet? Are the pedophiles that much smarter than you?

      • “I wonder if he did this before?”

        Channel 10 News:

        … a South Philly high school baseball coach was arrested again.

        This time he is charged with the rape and sexual assault of a 13-year-old boy.

        God bless these kids and their families. Will this ever end????????

  8. Michael Skiendzielewski Reply September 21, 2011 at 2:26 am

    “Please know that we join with you in concern for the safety of all of our children. If you need assistance or want to talk to someone about supporting your child through this situation please call the Archdiocesan Office for Child and Youth Protection at 1-888-800-8780 or e-mail philavac@adphila.org.”

    Sure is comforting that the crew at 222 N. 17th St. is concerned ! Hey, they even want to support your child through this situation. What the hell is a “SITUATION” ?

  9. Sounds like this one was handled correctly. Let’s hope this will be the way going forward.

    • Actually, it wasn’t handled at all. It was passed from Catholic pedophile directly to the parents because the coach though the kid was going to die, and the parents were texting him.

      The kid is safe because the Catholic church didn’t get involved. If they had delayed, as they have always done in the past, the child might be dead of an overdose instead of in the hospital.

      And if only the coach and church knew about it, and the child overdosed, you tell me what they would have done. Call me crazy, but I’d say they’d cover it up, the child’s death would be blamed on a drug overdose, and the church would avoid a scandal.

      Now tell me where I’m wrong.

      • You are wrong to even create a scenario where this child died. My God,there are people who love this child who could be followers of this site and now have that scenario thrown in their face. This is a REAL child this happened to,there are REAL people who love him. The last thing they need is to read about what could have happened if he died. What happened was horrible enough,let’s have some respect for this child and his family and not use this as a “what if” scenario.

      • I disagree.

        People (especially that family) should think about the honest truth about exactly what did happen and what could have happenned.

        Catholic coach takes a kid to a hotel room. Coach is described as “revered” by kids in the school. The kid, new to the school, thinks he is safe and is doing what a “revered”, Catholic leader tells him to do.

        Coach “Revered” gives him beer and a mixed drink. Bad combination, even for an experienced drinker. The 14 year old kid may never have been drunk before, a health danger unto itself. He throws in prescription medication. Clearly, a potentially fatal situation, whether you want tthe truth or not. This coach isn’t a doctor. If something goes wrong, he can’t help the kid, and will try to cover it up.

        Boy spends “several hours” in the hotel room, and when the parents go looking for him (lucky they aren’t both at work or busy), the coach takes him home, and he is STILL so drunk they have to take him to the hospital. Fourteen years old.

        If a kid gets in a drunk driving accident, you don’t tell the parents to ignore the scenario where the kid could have died. You tell the kid and everyone else that people could have died. That’s how you warn and protect them.

        So, in my Catholic school math:
        14 year old + beer + mixed drink + prescription medication + Catholic leader = child rape or child death or lucky outcome

        In my opinion, parents ought to think about what could have happened, and take precautions. Gang leaders don’t throw in prescription medication without telling someone.

      • Patrick, you are right! I will never forget Louise one of the victims coordinators, going to the hospital to speak with a young boy who had been abused by a priest and relentlessly getting him to sign a release so she could “help him” when in fact she could with the release talk with their lawyers, This poor boy was in the hospital because he attempted suicide. Where was the compassion? How can you in conscience do such a thing as torment even further this boy’s condition. I just don’t get it, and I hope I never do!

  10. Young, impressionable boy…new kid…just wanting to fit in…vulnerable…and now, forever changed. I am sickened.

    Do you know what it will require for that young boy to “trust” again? Will it take his lifetime to recover? Will it take his life?

    Xanax in a mixed drink…doesn’t take an Einstein to figure out what his plans were for that young boy. How many others?

    • Read the Philly Grand Jury report. This is what Catholic predators do, and now they can prove to the young, 14 year old confused kid that the Catholic League and Archbishop Dolan (and a billion Catholics) will all claim they are lying if they come forward.

  11. Is this a “bad dream?”
    I am beyond “flabbergasted”.
    The word I come up with is “enormity.”

  12. Gerald, I agree with you. this is totally unbelievable but true. So, parents, don’t trust anyone, except yourself to be with your child alone. After reading all of these comments, I can only say that all children are at risk. I am disgusted with the way the church handles this (and I am quite sure that the new bishop and everyone else at North 17th Street is saying thank god it’s not another priest, or thank god it’s not one of the 21) I hate thinking this way but I do because now the focus with be off the clergy for a little while. But aside from my jaded thinking I must agree with Kathy Kane, this is a universal problem. Children everywhere need the protection of the laws of whatever state (or county) in which they reside and I am thankful for people like her and Susan who continually fight the fight and encourage all of us to do the same.

  13. Oh but I did notice that Donna Farrell is still recommending that parents with any information, etc. call the Diocese…. I believe parents with any information concernign any type of information regarding this coach or any other matters like this CONTACT THE POLICE…..period.

  14. Victims4Justice.org Reply September 21, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    RICO Offenses

    Any violation of state statutes against gambling, murder, kidnapping, extortion, arson, robbery, bribery, dealing in obscene matter, or dealing in a controlled substance or listed chemical (as defined in the Controlled Substances Act);

    Any act of bribery, counterfeiting, theft, embezzlement, fraud, dealing in obscene matter, obstruction of justice, slavery, racketeering, gambling, money laundering, commission of murder-for-hire, and several other offenses covered under the Federal criminal code (Title 18);

    Embezzlement of union funds;

    Bankruptcy fraud or securities fraud;

    Drug trafficking; long-term and elaborate drug networks can also be prosecuted using the
    Continuing Criminal Enterprise Statute;

    Money laundering and related offenses;

    Bringing in, aiding or assisting aliens in illegally entering the country (if the action was for financial gain);

    Acts of terrorism.

    “A federal RICO prosecution would force the Church to confront its problems more directly by forcing it to face a federal prosecutorial juggernaut, as opposed to isolated local actions. While worthwhile, commendable, and necessary, these local prosecutions are not enough to prompt the thoroughgoing national, institutional reforms needed.” – Marci Hamilton

  15. Regarding the coach: “By day, he was an assistant to Common Pleas Judge Harold Kane at the Criminal Justice Center” Holy Cow, what exactly was he thinking.

    • It means he read the Grand Jury report. It means he knew the techniques other Catholic pedophiles used. It means he knew he could use proof on the internet that no one would believe the kid if he came forward.

      New kid at school – everyone will make fun of you if you come forward. Catholic parents won’t believe you.

      It means Coach knew the risks and it was a low risk move in this Catholic community. Might as well do it on the first day of school.

      Hey, 14 year old, welcome to your new Catholic school. The education will last a lifetime.

    • That after good behavior he will be out on parole to do it again. He knows…….he sees it everyday. My husbands offender was out after 18 months and not on Megan’s Law list. He had abused 3 kids. Fair ………right? He walks the grocery stores and I even saw him at the local coffee shop on a bench drinking coffee………LUCKILY THE LAWS GOT ALITTLE BETTER THAN THE 1970’S BUT THEY HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO……………

  16. Patrick this link is for you.This site and foundation was created by a man who is a victim of clergy sex abuse. He is now one of the biggest champions of children who have suffered from sexual abuse – in any walk of life. Read the info on his site – all of it. http://www.abolishsexabuse.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=category&id=61&Itemid=147

    • Victims4Justice.org Reply September 21, 2011 at 7:56 pm

      John Salveson is also a very good man, Kathy!

    • Yes Rich ,John is a wonderful man. Susan and I met him at one of our advocacy meetings and very much admire the work he is doing on behalf of the children of Pennsylvania. His site is very informative.
      By the way Rich,I sent you an email with some good news. Did you have the chance to read it?

      • Victims4Justice.org Reply September 21, 2011 at 8:11 pm

        I read it, Kathy. Thanks for letting me know. That’s the most important part of what I’m trying to do here. I guess it’s working. I’m saddened by the news of more victims, but I hope through my voice and others that they can find the help they need and deserve. Thanks for looking out!

        I planned to send you an email later. I still will.

  17. well, at the very least, it means he knows the laws. Once again, I am totally blown away that after all that is happening in the AD of Philadelphia that this coach was simply bold enough to do this. So, this leads me to the conclusion that he has been doing this type of thing and getting away with for a long time. You will never convince that this was only his “second offense”. I honestly understand how the remarks on here are so ourtaged. Enough is enough is enough, this happened while the AD is apparently watching…. Really, how closely?

  18. Victims4Justice.org Reply September 21, 2011 at 8:00 pm

    By the way, I just spent much of the afternoon chatting with another victim on my website chat room. http://www.Victims4Justice.org Chat link at top of page.

    Anyone care to stop by and say hello, the room with be open until 9pm.

    Peace out bean sprouts!

  19. OK, LET’S LOOK AT ALL THE RED FLAGS HERE CONCERNING THIS COACH!! One, he lives with his parents and he is 37 years old and lonly, two, he likes hanging out with kids, not adult’s and does not have a “normal” relationship with a women, three, very likeable with a great personality, which is what a lot of the parents said about him, how else do you lure kids. Just a few of the red flags and I’m sure there is more as therapists look at him. I said earlier right after he was picked up the first time, the police will find child porn on his computer. When will people listen to us as survivors, we really do know what we are talking about and could give a much better dialogue to people interested on HOW BEST TO PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN AND WHAT TO LOOK FOR!

  20. Victims4Justice.org Reply September 22, 2011 at 9:06 pm

    Patrick said, “Normal schools have a case of 16 year old girl who is in love with her 23 year old teacher, but that doesn’t do the same psycological damage as when a 40 year old priest, who children consider “Christ on earth”, rapes a 12 year old boy.”

    I cannot begin to explain just how offended I was with this comment. This is precisely why many people can not and will not understand why sexual abuse or “statutory rape” can be so psychologically damaging to a child. There is no age limits for sexual assault. It doesn’t matter if you’re 8, 14, 25, or 70. If you are forced into sexual contact by anyone, regardless of their age also, it can and most likely will have a negative effect on the victim. I also believe being abused by an authority figure, such as a priest or a teacher and even a parent causes more damage to the victim.

    Ultimately, I was more offened by the insinuation that somehow I didn’t understand what it’s like to be raped by a Catholic priest as a young child. The better statement is, “You have no idea what it is like to be raped by a Catholic priest as a young child, Patrick O’Malley!” I’ve been there, my friend. As for what I have read in your words and speaking to you on the phone, you have not been there. So I’ll ask, how f#cking dare you?! Do you have any idea how much of what you wrote in that post affected me over the last two days? No, I bet you don’t, because somewhere in Patrick O’Malley’s world, the comfort of other people isn’t important. You couldn’t begin to imagine the totally insane shit I have gone through during and after those rapes.

    • Victims4Justice.org Reply September 22, 2011 at 9:09 pm

      By the way, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t address what has been bothering me over the passed day.

    • V4J,

      I honestly don’t know how you got that from my comment, and certainly don’t understand the insinuation that somehow you didn’t understand what it’s like to be raped by a Catholic priest as a young child.

      I know your story, and others like it, which is why I’m trying to fight for you and others like you.

      I apologize if I caused any consternation for V4J, or any other victim, but I will stand by my opinion, which is that the psychological damage from some sex abuse is worse than others.

      Some of those 16 year old girls want to lose their virginity to the high school swim coach that they love. Read what I said there, and don’t put words in my mouth. The swim coach is still guilty of the crime of statutory rape, but I personally don’t think the long term psychological damage is as bad if she was a voluntary participant.

      If the sex is involuntary, then you have a victim, and there is psychological damage. I am willing to fight for any of the victims. If it was up to me, the guilty would be put to death.

      That said, here are the things that I think make it worse:

      1. If you hate the person instead of loving the person
      2. If your body parts aren’t equipped to physically handle it, and there is physical pain
      3. If you are 13 years old or younger and too young to know what sex is
      4. If you are male, and he is male, and you live in a religious environment that reminds you how bad it is to have sex with another male
      5. If the person is a priest, and are taught that he is Christ on earth, and you think God did this to you, so you can’t even turn to your religion for help or comfort
      6. If you think you’re the only one in the world that this happened to
      7. If you find out that they knew all along, and intentionally didn’t help you
      8. If people that abused you are called the holiest people on earth
      9. If you know that the top employees of the “one, holy and apostolic church” knew about this priest, and left him with you anyways
      10. If they decide to protect him instead of helping you
      11. If you have to fight the lawyers of a multi-billion dollar corporation to get justice
      12. If a billion people criticize you for lying and gold digging when you finally have the guts to come forward
      13. If you’re a boy and some macho wanna-be’s make you think you should have done something to stop it
      14. If you have to figure this all out yourself every day, starting at 12 years old
      15. If physical threats are added in
      16. If you have to see the violator regularly
      17. If your parents tell you that you have to go with the violator
      18. If the priest tells you that your parents approved of it
      19. If you were abused multiple times
      20. If you were abused by multiple abusers
      21. If one abuser “referred” you, and passed you on to another abuser
      22. If you were abused by multiple abusers at a single event
      23. If they tell you that this is what God wants
      24. If they tell you that no one will believe you, and they are right
      25. If they tell you that you will go to Hell if you tell, and you believe them

      You can have an opinion that is different than mine, but if you add a bunch of these in (and some victims had more than 20 of them), I will have the opinion that the abuse is worse, and I will fight harder for them.

      You believe what you want, but I won’t believe that all abuse does equal damage to the victim.

      • Victims4Justice.org Reply September 23, 2011 at 2:27 pm

        Patrick, I was abused by clergy and non-clergy. My entire childhood doesn’t revolve only around priests, but other adults who abused me as well. What makes us different from one another is not our opinion but rather our experiences.

        But what the hell do I know?! I don’t just write about it. I have to live it everyday of my life, probably for the rest of my life.

        How do you know which is abuse is worse than another? Just because you have talked to a couple victims, or you’ve read some comments online, you think you’re an expert in what it’s like to be us?

        I’m not trying to push you away Patrick. Maybe it seems like that, but it’s not my motive. I just mean that you can read all you want. You can talk to ever sexual abuse victim on the planet. But if it never happened to you I don’t think you can truly ever understand what goes on in my head.

        I’m glad you weren’t abused. It must be awsome having that kind of life. It must be great to not be afraid of who you are and what was done to you and that it may happen again. Relish in the fact that it didn’t happen to you, but don’t try to get into my head, there’s not enough room.

  21. Rich, I apologize that Patrick’s statements have cause you stress over the last two days. this is not what is supposed to happen on this site and I am sorry. You are are 100% right when you say that abuse is abuse ,no matter what the age or situation.
    I have seen victims of child sex abuse come together to work on protecting children. It doesn’t matter by whom or at what age they were abused. It is a beautiful thing to witness.

  22. Victims4Justice.org Reply September 23, 2011 at 2:52 am

    Dear Father Child Abuser,

    I now know that you died in October, almost 12 years ago of liver disease. I’m sure you were an alcoholic, as a few people I have known who died of liver disease were drinkers. I just wanted you to know, on almost the anniversary of your death, I remember everything! I remember how you forced yourself onto me even when I begged you to stop. I see it in my mind everyday how you sexually and physically tortured me for your own perverted evil gratification. I look back on my childhood and the only memories that jump to the forefront of my thoughts are pain, humiliation, despair, anguish, and loneliness. You were supposed to be a man of God and you were entrusted to protect children… to protect me. Instead, you hurt me and broke my spirit. You instilled many questions regarding my purpose on this earth and why a much older man was hurting me so badly, and those questions continue to haunt me, as I have yet to know the answers. You taught me how to blame myself and to accept responsibility for your misdeeds. You gave me many gifts, but none more important than fear. You taught me how to distrust and how to run away. You made me feel unloved and emotionally vacant. You ruined who I could have been.

    I understand that people with liver disease suffer until their death. I hope every muscle and joint of your body hurt. I hope the pain was severe from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. I hope your skin burned to the point of wanting to rub it off. I hope you were lonely in life just before your death. I hope you screamed out for help, or for the pain to subside and it only became worse. I hope you thought about it, on your deathbed, what you did to me and what, I know, you did to other boys. I hope you thought of the intolerable hate I have always had for you and how much I wished for you to suffer. I hope you realized just before you died that I would be coming back to make certain that your name wouldn’t be worth the paper your obituary was printed on. I hope you know that I am not the only kid you tried to destroy who has come forward to speak of what you did to us. I hope people saw right through your bullshit and were able to get a real grip on who you were and what you did. I hope your death was slow. I hope you were scared in the loneliness of dying. I hope no one was there to comfort you. I hope that everytime you gasped for air it burned your lungs. I hope you were scared. I hope there is no next place for you. I hope that your spirit died too. I hope your family knows what you are and what you did. You deserved to suffer.

    As much as you tried to beat me down, punish me, and keep me silent, it all failed. You couldn’t destroy me. I’m a broken soul because of what you did to me, but I’m also a better man in spite of what you did to me. You bullied me and now I’m fighting back. You twisted my arm and hurt me, but now I’m getting stronger. You blamed me and told me it was my fault, but now I know the truth. The truth! I am going to make sure that the world knows the truth. It’s my time to shine.

    Rest in hell,
    Rich

  23. If you are 13 years or younger….if you are a boy. Wow,sort of reminds me of the way the Church is so particular. Here is the thing Patrick,this site was developed because of the abuse that happened within the Church. After meeting victims and also realizing how deficient the laws in the state are ,we are now involved with changing laws that will help ALL children. I know that kids raped outside of the Church don’t matter to you – they matter to me. That is not at all a defense of the Catholic church because no one is as guilty as the Church for repeatedly putting children in danger. it is disgusting and disgusts me everyday. Your comments are upsetting people – time to dial it down. I am sure that a 14 year old girl who was raped would strongly disagree with your above definitions of what makes abuse difficult. By the way Patrick – these victims have lived it – not just read or written about it.

  24. Patrick said, “You believe what you want, but I won’t believe that all abuse does equal damage to the victim.”

    There’s so much that needs to be addressed in your post…but this last statement is a doozy.

    You are wrong…have your opinion. But, the experts, victims, prison systems, social welfare programs, etc. prove otherwise.

  25. Patrick,I am going to take your theories and use an analogy. As a social worker I used to facilitate a cancer support group. The group included everyone from those newly diagnosed to those who were terminally ill. Everyone had different treatment plans,different stages of cancer. Some people received almost no family support,others had a tremendous support system. No one sat and compared levels of the disease. No one made others feel bad that their cancer was not as invasive as others. No one rejected patients who did not have to go through chemo like others did. I have seen terminally ill patients cry tears of joy when a member of the group shared the good news that their cancer was in remission,even though the disease would be taking their own life shortly. And I as the facilitator of this group who did not have cancer,surely didn’t tell people what they should feel,how they were better or worse off than other patients. You just don’t see the damage you are doing.

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