Avery pleads guilty and flips on Msgr. Lynn


I am at my son’s Confirmation and can’t post. Feels like my last few hours ofprayer were answered.

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58 Responses to “Avery pleads guilty and flips on Msgr. Lynn”

  1. There is a God. One down and a few more to go.

  2. The irony of that posting Susan…

    Did he really flip on Lynn?

    I’m waiting to find out what the “give” was for him to plead guilty. According to Avery’s attorney he doesn’t have to testify against anyone.

  3. i just want him to tell the truth,

    • I have spent 35 years under the shadow of happy Ed’s abuse and while the pall has been pulled back slightly with his plea I want to see the whole system that allowed this to happen thoroughly investigated and criminal acts prosecuted. I encourage any other survivors of Ed Avery to contact the DA’s office. If there are others within the SOL additional charges could be brought.

      • James,

        From one victim to another – you did great! Thank you for coming forward and breaking your silence and exposing this man for what he truly is and the evil he is capable of. Present and future children are safer because of your courage.

        I hope your days can somehow become a little easier because of your decision to speak up and speak out for that little boy who didn’t deserve to be treated so horribly. You definitely deserved dignity and respect from the adults around you, especially those considered servants of God.

        2-5 years is hardly a fair sentence, considering our sentence in for life, with no release date in sight. At least he will be known throughout society as someone “to keep your children away from,” and with any luck he’ll wind up being found guilty for another crimes that keeps him in prison longer.

        If you ever need to talk, or just need someone to listen, or just need some company to know someone is there and you are “not alone,” contact me at Victims4JusticeNow@yahoo.com. I have a few very good friends in a very supportive network of other men and women who were abused by priests, nuns, family members, coaches, teachers, and even a CSA survivor of a NYC police officer.

        Thank you again for your courage and peace out!
        Rich

      • Thank you for posting James@15. I am deeply sorry for what you have endured over the years.

        My hope is that the trial into the crimes and conspiracy in the Philly AD provides substantive material for the Hague’s inquiry into the hierarchy’s role (at every level) in the sexual abuse crisis. The entire system needs to be investigated thoroughly and all criminal acts, including the failure to act, must be prosecuted. Bring it down. Bring it ALL down.

      • James@15,
        Such courage!!!!!

        Thank you for speaking out.

        I, too, encourage other survivors to come forward.

        You made it possible!

      • James,

        Thank you for bravely sharing your story. Your story needs to be heard. I am truly sorry for what happened to you, and all victims.
        The “smiling padre” won’t be smiling for the next 2 to 5 years.
        I too, believe the victims.

      • James, thank you for your courage.

    • James,thank you for sharing. I am sorry that this man’s actions affected your life and his access to countless other children. I have been thinking so much about what this guilty plea means to the victims of Avery and the many victims of clergy sex abuse. John Salveson, a survivor,referred to it as a minor victory. There are so many who will never have justice and I know it is hard to speculate but since this guilty plea was announced I have had so many thoughts running through my head. I keep thinking in some ways how it must be empowering for a victim to hear the perpetrator admit “I did it” ,maybe even more empowering than a jury saying “he did it” I don’t know. I do know that even with a guilty verdict, many still paint the victims as liars and blame an overzealous press or prosecutor. I read where the prosecutors called the victim before the plea was announced and he was relieved. I pray for all the victims,those who are seeking justice, those who are denied justice, and those who silently endure the lifetime affects of the abuse. I also pray that this entire criminal cover up leads to more indictments for those involved.

  4. Yes, but since he admitted to abusing the child and also admitted that Lynn knew about it and transferred him anyway that would help the prosecution in convicting Lynn. Right? I may be wrong, but that is how I took it. I sincerely hope that it helps the prosecutions case against Lynn and the others.

  5. Michelle,an attorney was on one of the local news stations basically saying what you just stated. I will see if the video is posted yet and will link when it is available. survivors wife,what is the “give” – good question. This may become more clear when the trial unfolds.

      • Kathy this quote from the citation I just noted re Avery:

        “His conspiracy plea could be important in the case against Lynn, the secretary of clergy in Philadelphia from 1992 to 2004. Avery did not indicate Thursday whether he will testify against Lynn, and a gag order prevents lawyers from discussing the case. However, he agreed to a series of damaging facts about the archdiocese.

        Avery agreed that Lynn and the archdiocese knew of the 1992 abuse complaint filed against him. The teen told Lynn that Avery had molested him after he helped the priest work as a DJ at a West Philadelphia nightclub.

        Avery also acknowledged that he was never supervised when he later interacted with altar servers and parish children at St. Jerome’s, and that the archdiocese knew he was still working as a disc jockey, which put him around young people.

        Lynn, 61, is charged with two counts each of conspiracy and child endangerment. He faces up to 28 years in prison if convicted. Lynn has said he was following orders from the late Cardinal Anthony Bevilacqua and other superiors. Bevilacqua died this year, but his videotaped deposition could still be used at trial.”

        The piece of this quote that gets my attention, “However (Avery) he agreed to a series of damaging facts about the archdiocese.” The Archdiocese and Lynn KNEW OF THE 1992 ABUSE CLAIM FILED AGAINST AVERY, THE TEEN TOLD LYNN THAT AVERY HAD MOLESTED HIM…AVERY WAS NEVER SUPERVISED at ST JEROME’S….( Where I believe Avery raped the 10 year old victim, and then passed him on to two other rapists, a priest and a school teacher)

        I really doubt that any catholic in the Philadelphia archdiocese could not understand the horror of this situation, Lynn’s responsibility….and it is a complete mystery to me why Chaput would give Lynn a standing ovation at an ‘insiders priest party” in late fall.

      • The timeline on Avery is just appalling. In 1992 there was a credible abuse claim against him which both Lynn and the AD knew about.

        In 1999 Avery raped a 10 year old altar boy horrifically at St Jeromes, and passed him on to two more rapists, another priest and a catholic school teacher. The Avery assignment to St Jerome’s was made on Lynn’s ‘watch’.

        In 2006, Avery was removed from the priesthood.

        In 2011, the Grand Jury indicted Lynn for Conspiracy and Child Endangerment.

        In the Fall of 2011, the Archbishop had a party where he and other priests applauded Lynn….with a reported standing ovation.

  6. http://www.myfoxphilly.com/# not the video I was looking for but a good report

  7. We victims get a life sentence for no crime at all. The perp who committed the crime gets 2-5 years. Does that make any sense at all to anyone?

    RAPING CHILDREN gets you up to 5 years of state citizens paying for your room and board, meals, and healthcare. I struggle to make ends meet, to pay my bills, to work an 8-hour day without panic attacks, to sleep at night without nightmares and terror. So far, my prison sentence has lasted more than 20 years.

    RAPING CHILDREN allows you to make “deals” with justice? Do I get a deal for being raped?

    What is it with these judges and prosecutors? You know what? I’m going to ask you people to do something totally offensive and disgusting. Think of a 10 year-old child you might know and then think about a grown man, an adult man, raping that little boy. Maybe people need to think about exactly that, because when I think about it, and when I think about my own abuse and the rapes I endured from grown men, I do not fantasize about my perp spending less than 1 million years in a cold, dark, tiny cell without windows or doors.

    I can remember my abuse. At times it was like an out-of-body experience. It’s like I was above my own body and looking down on that man torturing me. I can see him (meaning me) taking it over and over, day in and day out. I have to somehow close my eyes and will myself to sleep with those images burned into my memory. “Sleeping” is actually the hardest task I’m faced with everyday. When I close my eyes and I see myself as that little boy, crying and shaking from the pain, or even worse, knowing that the pain was coming right before it actually happened, I open my eyes and stare at everything in my bedroom. I hang on to my partner so I can make myself feel like I’m in a safe place. It’s so hard to sleep at night. To have a grown man, a priest, grab that little boy’s testicles and squeeze them so hard with his fingers, as the little boy felt like he’d jump through the ceiling, I see him begging for that man to just stop. He’ll submit and do anything that man wishes, and he won’t ever say “no” again. Just please don’t hurt me anymore. He just wanted to be a good kid.

    There’s another little boy out there trying to sleep at night, but he probably can’t either, especially because he now knows that the bad man will be roaming around in 2 – 5 F#CKING YEARS!

    (This is as deep and detailed as I’ve ever gotten on this site or any site regarding my own physical, sexual, emotional, psychological abuse.)

    Just try to imagine the rawness of that child actually being raped and hurt so cruely. Maybe people will fight harder to change laws and protect children if they figure out a way to become more disgusted by it all.

    • I have to believe that more will come of this, more charges higher up the ladder for conspiracy and cover up. Right now we have Lynn submitting the “shredded document” showing conspiracy and now Avery admitting to conspiring with Lynn and others to endanger children. I have to believe that the prosecutor’s know what they are doing and why they are doing it (plea bargains). I would not be at all suprised for a 3rd Grand Jury report to come from this (actually it would be the 4th). I believe we are at the tip of the iceberg and there is a reason for everything that is happening.

      • I thought the same thing, Kathy. There has to be more behind this. Praying that Avery squeals and tells all he knows. I would imagine he’s got his issues with the AD since he was defrocked. He’s got nothing to lose now by spilling whatever he knows.

        Reports said the 2-5 yrs he got was less than he would have received if he was found guilty in court. That 2-5 yrs is nothing in comparison to what his victims are living with; I doubt anything would come close. I’m sure he won’t receive a warm welcome in prison, either.

        Praying……

      •  
        You know, there are just three lines in the Grand Jury report for 2011 that address THIS issue with Father Avery,

        They are “Father Avery also informed Msgr. Lynn in 1992 that he had adopted six Hmong children – three girls and three boys. Archdiocese officials did NOTHING (my caps) over the years to investigate the welfare or safety of these children entrusted to the accused child molester.

        Joan’s statement:
        I worked for a church agency that resettled the Hmong. They were a very challenging and culturally undeveloped set of folks. If memory serves they were not into kitchen utensils or twentieth
        century standards of any sort.

        The notion that Avery ‘adopted’ 6 children and the AD did nothing to investigate the welfare or safety of these kids is horrifying.

        AND yet another indictment of the AD.

        If I were sentencing Avery, I would factor in these 6 kids big time, and 5 years in prison is nowhere long enough and the AD should pay on this one too!

        If I were the prosecutor, I think I would want to know a huge amount about these kids, their present condition! The AD knew in 1992 that a priest of theirs with a reported credible sexual molestation claim, in 1992, had ‘adopted’ 6 exceedingly vulnerable children from one of the poorest and most backward countries on earth.

        AND the AD did nothing.

    • V4J I hope and pray that every catholic in the pews reads your post and imagines that horror as occurring to his or her child, grandchild or other child he or she knows and cares about!

      it’s so horrible and I wish to hell it had not happened to you. Joan

    • Very powerful, and very bravely said.

    • Bavo and well said. I too am a survivor.

    • Martin J. Leahy, PhD Reply March 24, 2012 at 10:31 am

      Thank you for your courage and willingness to share your personal story. How can others of us help “put a face” on these tragedies of abuse and its aftermath?

      I hesitate to ask this question because I know there is no way to make it all go away but… I wonder what can we do that might help you? Do laypeople need to start their own victim’s assistance service? Do we need to raise money for existing agencies that are offering direct help? Is there something others might do that could help you find some relief and peace now?

      • When you see me on the sidewalk in front of your church, or school, or Catholic owned building and I’m trying to alert the community and parishioners of a known abuser within your parish, don’t spit in my face. Don’t call me a liar when you haven’t even heard my story. Try to understand that I was much smaller in size and voice when I was a kid, and how I look now is not the way I looked back then. I believe people see the adult that I am now, the 7’1″, 250-lb. man that I am now, and they’re intimidated by my stature and they can’t or don’t want to see the little defenseless innocent child I was back when a grown man was coercing me, forcing me, and raping me.

        If you want to donate money, give money to Road-to-Recovery.org. Bob Hoatson, founder of this organization and former Catholic priest, actually uses money to benefit victims, using donations to help victims pay for therapy, medications, their rent or to put food on the table to feed their families. The Catholic Church, in large part, doesn’t believe we were abused by their priests, and they don’t understand how devastating the fallout becomes after the abuse. Whereas every American is feeling the affects of a economic recession, we victims are also, but pile on top the emotional stress and strain of having been sexually abused as a child, and it’s not all that uncommon for many of us to become discontented, hopeless, and “stuck.” I found that when I keep myself busy in work or with hobbies I am less likely to dwell on the past and allow the depression to consume me.

        As for becoming part of some non-Catholic, or laypersons victim’s assistance program, I think that’s a valuable idea. The Victim’s Assistance Program is contracted and paid by the Catholic Church to deal with victims. (Or, I feel to “destroy” victims.) I have had contact with these people, and after a few short phone conversations a few years ago, I was absolutely positive that I never wanted to speak with these people again. They don’t believe me, and they don’t even want to hear my story. Instead they want to know if I “got an erection” during the abuse, so they can claim “I enjoyed it” and place the blame on the victim instead of the abusive priest. (Yes, I really was asked that question!)

        Maybe if we had a diverse group of people to listen to our stories and judge for themselves the extent of our abuse and how much it has affected us, perhaps our depression wouldn’t be so intense at times, because someone with some type of influence is finally willing to listen to us. In the beginning of my journey, I couldn’t even get the church to listen to me. Instead they focused more on what they were unwilling to do for me. They passed the buck and blamed different entities within their institution, while no one even offered an apology. When I asked if my abuser ever abused any other child, or were there any other complaints lodged against him, the church lied to me and said, “No.”

        I don’t know if there’s anything anyone can ever do to give me certain peace. It’s hard being me, and even when I’m surrounded by my fellow victims in a support group meeting, deep down inside I still feel very alone. My life is not so much in shambles as much as it used to be, before I started this journey, but I also believe that unless you’ve lived it, you’ll never really get it. I’m thankful that you didn’t live it though. Nobody deserves this type of punishment, especially when they did absolutely nothing wrong to warrant such a life of depression, anxiety, fear, and despair. If you have never been abused, I definitely don’t what you to know what it’s like. I blog, and I protest, and I speak because I don’t want other children to spend the rest of their lives like me. It’s not fair to the child, the child’s family, and it’s not fair to society. I have been a very unproductive member of soceity, shadowed almost entirely by the demons that haunt me in my dreams and play house in my heart. I just want people to listen to me and just give me a chance to explain, and open your hearts just a little bit to try to understand.

        The abuse that happened to me can’t be undone. The path my life could have taken had I not been abused will be forever unknown. I’ll never be able to turn back time and do everything I should’ve done to prevent the abuse, or stop it while it was occurring. I was just a kid and I didn’t know any better. The only thing that remains important to me is protecting other children from ever experiencing what I have gone through. I have said it many times in the past, “The world doesn’t need more people like me.”

      • TO: Victims4Justice
        Your pain is heartbreaking and your strength is inspirational. I just read what you wrote about the what the Victims Assistant Program did to you. I am disgusted at their ignorance. Something that you said in the last paragraph of your post is standing out to me. You said:

        “I’ll never be able to turn back time and do everything I should’ve done to prevent the abuse, or stop it while it was occurring. I was just a kid and I didn’t know any better. The only thing that remains important to me is protecting other children from ever experiencing what I have gone through. I have said it many times in the past, “The world doesn’t need more people like me.””

        I have to say that even though I don’t know your particular abuse, you have to know that there was nothing you could have done to prevent the abuse. You were a child and most likely groomed. Children place trust in the adults in their lives. Your abuse was not your fault, or your responsibility to stop. And although your abuse did not help you be the person you were meant to be, you are still here. You are still valid. You are still needed in this world. You are here and you will help other children not go through what you went through. I send my love to you and pray for you and all the victims of these monsters. They are evil monsters who are being protected by other evil monsters. That is how I see them. I want so much to tell you and the other brave victims who have survived this that I will do anything I can to help change this. I sometimes may not know what that is, but sites like this and sites like “Voice of the Faithful” and “Justice4PAkids” can lead me in the right direction. Again… Much love and appreciation for your strength.

  8. It’s crumbling before our very eyes, which is how the truth emerges from evil.

    Waiting for a domino effect…

  9. First, it is literally a miracle from God to get the truth out of a Catholic priest in just 30 years. Most Catholic priests are like Bevilacqua, and will “lie til they die”.

    Second, 2-5 years is a horrible negotiation unless they have big dreams, like:

    – this makes for easy, 50+ year convictions for the others
    – this makes a Statute Of Limitations extension easy
    – this makes Rigali an accessory
    – this makes a RICO infiltration easier

    Vicky reminded me that the Sandusky trial starts in a couple of months and will overlap this one. Hopefully, people will really see what child sex abuse is all about, and will see Sandusky as a lone gunman, and see the Catholic church as the organized crime family. If Catholics require an FBI investigation and prosecution in Philly, they may do it throughout America.

    Let’s hope the prosecution has these big plans, and if they don’t, then DA Seth Williams should be remembered on election day as the guy who was soft on prosecuting child rapists.

  10. V4J 2 to 5 years is not justice for you. I am so sorry. I am praying that the trial will bring justice to all the victims. I hope the guilty plea is a beginning toward the truth. I hope this terrible evil can be exposed and destroyed. Nothing can give you back your childhood. Know that you are in my prayers.

  11. .what am I missing here?..headline says Avery flips
    on Lynn.. where’s the basis for the super headline??

  12. Jack, there is almost always an article posted with the headline…today as the story broke Susan was at her child’s conformation ans so Kathy put this link in. http://www.philly.com/philly/news/20120322_Defrocked_priest_to_plead_guilty_to_abusing_altar_boy.html

    Tomorrow, I feel quite sue there will be an article posted!!!!!

  13. The purpose of a prison sentence is both retributive and rehabilitative. However, it is the BISHOPS that moved these men around KNOWING, and it is they who must be punished and rehabilitated. The bishops have not gotten the message. They persist in their evil doing ways. They need to be stopped from inflicting future harm. They are paying attorneys $$$$ per hour to hide the truth. At present, they presume this will all just go away sooner or later, and it will be back to business as usual.

  14. I have not seen any response from d.pierre who writes the media report , he was and is an apologist for the evil men that have infiltrated the rcc. I hope this conviction / plea deal puts a light on the PA Legislators who refuse to change the Law and makes them provide an explanation to why they kowtow to catholic conference of bishops lobbying group, as the longer the legislators delay the less time the VICTIMS have to save whatever is left of their lives and Victims4justce correctly states the VICTIMS have a life sentence. Can’t wait to hear what dolan and donohue have to say, it will be interesting to see what kind of a spin they will attempt to put on this. I look forward to more indictments and arrests !

    • Don’t hold your breath waiting for despicable Dave Pierre. He makes his living selling books on how badly accused priests have been treated. He is most vocal about Fr Gordon Macrae, who is spending 33-67 years in jail for abuse of one child, and he pleaded GUILTY to 3 other cases. Regardless, DPierre defends him.

      You won’t hear from Dolan or Donahue either, whose money and jobs are tied up in hiding this information, even if it is now publicly available on the Internet. They will just continue to hope that the senior citizens in the pews don’t see it.

      If there was a single Christian left in the Catholic church, they’d be pressuring Avery for the names of his other victims (and we all know there were 5-25 of them), and they’d be publicly begging the victims to come forward. They’d be searching for the 6 Hmong children Avery had exclusive access to.

    • unabletotrust….do let us know what Bill Donohue says! ..i can’t watch him … wonder how he’s gonna explain away the rape of a 5th grade boy as a church “homosexual problem.” -?

      I’m certain his pedophilia-defending schtick boosts public opinion daily in the RCC’s favor!

  15. I have a question for those here who have been following the moves of the AD for longer and closer than I have..

    I could be wrong, but from reading many accounts of abuse it seems to me that predatory clergy members were sometimes assigned together at the same parishes.- And certain parishes seemed to used more frequently than other parishes….What would Secretary of the Clergy, Lynn’s reasons be for doing it this way (if at all)? For example, St. Jerome’s in the 90’s–and St. Cecilia’s in the 80’s-90’s,…I guess I’m wondering whether there designated “safer” or “friendlier” parishes to which Lynn felt more at ease sending his offenders? Did he feel safer sending these predators into more “blue collar” parishes?

    I know it’s an unpleasant thing to think, but I wonder if parishes with a higher number of minorities (possibly poorer parishes) were considered safer for dumping known offenders?

    • That is a really good question Crystal. I’m not sure about how it works in the AD, but there is huge evidence that poor children in institutions under catholic control worldwide have suffered horribly.

      In Ireland, Amnesty International did a horrifying study on the abuse of poor Irish kids in orphanages, titled In Plain Sight, which if you have a strong stomach, I suggest reading it.

      In Canada and the Pacific Northwest, Indian children in orphanages were systematically brutalized. Christian Brothers in Canada filed for bankruptcy a number of years ago. In 2011 they filed in the US, for the same abuse in the Northwest. Jesuits of the Northwest filed in 2009, same reason.

      Hundreds of children in, I believe, Wisconsin in a deaf school were horrifically abused.

      And there’s lots more, but you get the idea. Where kids are poor, and vulnerable, evil abounds.

      Would be very interesting to test your hypothesis, in the AD, would not be a bit surprised to see it was true.

      • Joan, yes ..it’s with Ireland and the Wisconsin and Pacific Northwest/Jesuit atrocities in mind that i wonder about how sex-offender assignment worked in Philly.
        Lynn surely understood the Phila. AD map very well– and used it as a trusty placement tool for his pedophiles. He knew which prominent,connected, parish lay leaders would not long tolerate an offender in the rectory -or even a rumor of one.
        Wealthier parishes could not be put at risk… Donation potential was at stake …and wealthy, powerful families had greater clout with law enforcement and public officials.

        On the other hand, Lynn knew that the people of poorer and immigrant or minority parishes were far less empowered to access the help of the police and justice system. Poorer families might be coaxed more easily into silence with a few bucks -and would have been far more vulnerable to AD threats and strong-arm tactics aimed at jobs and scholarship support etc…

        ….So when this whole thing is blown wide open and every victim comes forth to be counted, we are going to map the RCC abuse in Philadelphia and its suburbs and expose the sad demographics of this atrocity.(-not really, but it sure would be interesting.)

    • Martin J. Leahy, PhD Reply March 23, 2012 at 11:44 pm

      Were there dumping grounds?

      Manayunk, 1991-1992, St John the Baptist: four priests lived in the rectory — the pastor and three offenders. Two were pedophiles and kiddie porn collectors; the third sexually abused a high school boy. One of the pedophiles had 11 known victims; he was on the Lynn list that AJB ordered destroyed: “diagnosed in 1965 as sexually deviated and this problem is deep-rooted and of chronic duration.”

      St. John’s was their first AoP assignment after an offense. It was also their last. Two went on to lives of prayer and penance in Darby; the third was “reduced to the lay state.”

      From 1975 through 2002, St. John’s had on its staff at least one problem priest. During 6 of these years there were 2, and for a period of 1 ½ years there were 3.

      Assignment records appear to be one source of evidence that Church managers seem not to have altered or destroyed. Careful review of these records reveals a lot.

      What might this mean about the AoP’s view of the people of St. John’s?

      • Martin that is so astounding…no wonder no one believes this stuff!

        I know that church- (and also St Josephat’s next to it) I’ll tell you what it means about the AD’s view of the hardworking, mostly Irish, lower middle class people of St John’s— It means that they considered their children to be less than animals.

      • ….still thinking today about these numbers Martin and their significance…It takes an awful lot to make me angry… and these numbers really do the trick.

  16. Crystal, I so agree with you. They know what side there bread is buttered. How absolutely tragic!

  17. In reading these comments I am reflecting on the comment by survivors wife when she imagined Jesus looking down on this “Not in MY name” “Not to My children”

  18. James@15, I to am a survivor and I need to say with all sincerity, my heart aches for you. No one except survivors know what a victim suffers at the hands of a priest. I was 14. I want to thank you for posting on this website, sometimes it takes this 1 huge step to just trust enough to post on a blog. We are no longer alone, I encourage you to reach out, we are out there and we stand strong with you in solidarity. Kay4justice, my sentiments also mean you as well, we made it this far we can make it together. I am going to spend some time explaining to any one who will listen what it is a survivor suffers. We, as survivors are betrayed twice. The perpetrating priest betrays the trust placed in him and the institutional church prepares victims for their spiritual trauma by its teaching about the nature of the priesthood. What I believe most people don’t get is that victims began to look at the effects of the abuse on their lives it then became obvious that there was something different about the impact on a believing child when raped or assaulted by a priest. Not only did the rape have disastrous physical, emotional and psychological effects but it was spiritually damaging as well. Former priest Avery as he was raping a small 10 yr. old boy was saying to him “God loves you”. As children we were taught to be devout believers with unquestioning loyalty to this church. A priest’s power over a child, his inferior position thus trauma spreads to the very soul of that child. This church continues to use euphemistic and minimizing language referring to sexual abuse such as “boundary violations,” or inappropriate touching, and the two words that stab with a knife of pure fury in us is when we hear the words FORGIVE OR IT WAS A MISTAKE. In those words you discount our pain our agony our suffering. To dare ask us to forgive is TOXIC for us as victims That translate to me as making it easier for the person who is asking us to forgive certainly not easier for us. It is a selfish benifit for them, it is deliverance from taking responsibility for the abuse!!To us as survivors forgiveness translates to thinking as if the abuse did not happen. A survivor in order to forgive must be at peace, she/he has been able to control the rage rather than being devoured and obsessed by it. This process takes years if at all. Dr. Mary Gail Frawley-O’Dea explained it this way, The sexual violation of a child or adolescent by a priest is INCEST. It is a sexual and relational transgression perpetrated by the FATHER of the child’s extended family;a man in whom the child is taught from birth to TRUST above everyone else in his life, to trust second only to GOD. Priest abuse IS incest!
    I will comment more in the weeks to follow. I hope I have helped you to understand the many levels we as survivors must struggle with every day. We were so set up by this institutional and we have been paying the price with NO justice for the agony we endure on a daily basis.
    I hope that the survivors who have blogged or need to just read what is said, feel, I have as one of you, confirmed and validated your pain. I GET IT and many people are getting it now. I hold all survivors in my heart, stay strong, we are strong we made this far with so much against us. With me, stand in the truth it is so powerful and empowering! TRUTH, such a simple word and we embrace it. In Solidarity, Vicky

    • Vicky, of course it was incest…how could we have missed your very painful and important point? Thank you, Joan

    • Thanks, Vicky, for your inspiring courage and awesome generosity.

    • ((((Vicky))))

      Every time you post…I get chills knowing you are healing as you write and allowing others to heal as well.

      You are a courageous woman!!!!

    • Vicky,, your words are a portrait of courage for me. Thank you for sharing your terribly painful story, and your deep insight. You are in my prayers.

  19. I believe that the records uncovered in a diocese in Connecticut support the fact that abusing priests were assigned to parishes in which the people were minorities or poor–or both. These records are available on line, and I read them myself. Right now, alas, the names escape me.

    HOWEVER, this information is easily obtainable and to my way of thinking supports the possibility of our church being charged as enabiling the abuse of children and vulnerable adults to continue unchecked–and worse that our RCC looked the other way and allowed the abuse to grow and prosper. To me the RCC SHOULD BE CHARGED USING RICO STATUTES. But, how, how, how do we the people get this started…

  20. Thank you Survivors wife, Joan, and Jerry for your encouraging comments to me. I try. My intent is to help educate people who are not victims to a greater understanding of what a victim feels every day, also, for the survivors that don’t have a voice will know that I write for them and offer them hope that there are people who really want to stand with them in solidarity and truth.
    For anyone interested, google fireside chat tom doyle richard sipe jason berry, I have been listening to it and it’s very good. I believe that if susan or kathy asked them to come to philadelphia and speak at a forum they would come and have said so. They really get what’s going on in the church and tom doyle truly understands the agony suffered by victims.

    • Vicky that’s a really good idea…the fireside chat with those wonderful guys.

      I think one of the good things about C4C is that the rest of us get to offer whatever support we can to you….There is no way a non victim can really ‘get it’ but we sure can do everything in our power to help!

      And there are many many folks who care…some of them quietly read this blog…but they are there!

      Your last post was incredibly powerful and I agree totally with SW that you are healing and helping others to heal as well! As usual, my very best thanks! Joan

    • Vicky, you should consider starting your own blog at wordpress.com to help share the remedies that you learned in therapy that helped you. Sex therapists say that only one in three victims comes to a therapist, and many only go a few times before they can’t pay the $100+ and hour it costs, so if you could share some of your best lessons, it might help them.

      You are going to change the world whether you do it or not, but it might help, and would be there online for eternity. I can help you with the tech part if you want, and Jerry might help you with a 1 line legal and medical claimer that says you aren’t a licensed therapist, but here are some of the things that helped you…

  21. Joan and Patrick, thank you for your continued support of me, it really means so much to me that sometimes words aren’t sufficient enough to express. Know that your responses to me are read by many survivors who you are conforting.
    Patrick, I will consider what you have suggested, I am not able at this time to impliment it as I need to keep my focus on my therapy especially at this most difficult time with these two trials hitting all at once. I must keep my head above water and take good care of myself, self-caring! I will though as things settle down in the near future begin a conversation with you on this, in the meantime be there for me as you all are and keep the focus that the survivors are the only ones you will ever hear the truth from.

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